Choosing Words Wisely

Words are very important.  When we say to someone:  "You are an ugly, useless, despicable person," we might have ruined the possibility for a relationship with that person for life.  Words can continue to do harm for many years.

It is so important to choose our words wisely.  When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent.  Words spoken in rage will make reconciliation very hard.   Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses often starts by choosing to remain silent or choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.

Healing Letters

When you write a very angry letter to a friend who has hurt you deeply, don't send it!  Let the letter sit on your table for a few days and read it over a number of times.  Then ask yourself:  "Will this letter bring life to me and my friend?  Will it bring healing, will it bring a blessing?"   You don't have to ignore the fact that you are deeply hurt.  You don't have to hide from your friend that you feel offended.  But you can respond in a way that makes healing and forgiveness possible and opens the door for new life.   Rewrite the letter if you think it does not bring life, and send it with a prayer for your friend.

The Wounded Healer

Nobody escapes being wounded.  We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.   The main question is not "How can we hide our wounds?" so we don't have to be embarrassed, but "How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?"  When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.

Jesus is God's wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed.  Jesus' suffering and death brought joy and life.  His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love.  As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.

How Time Heals

"Time heals," people often say.  This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened.  That is not really healing;  it is simply ignoring reality.  But when the expression "time heals" means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it.  "Time heals" implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Beyond Jealousy

Jealousy arises easily in our hearts.  In the parable of the prodigal son, the elder son is jealous that his younger brother gets such a royal welcome even though he and his loose women swallowed up his father's property (Luke 15:30).  And in the parable of the labourers in the vineyard, the workers who worked the whole day are jealous that those who came at the eleventh hour receive the same pay as they did  (see Matthew 20:1-16).   But the Father says to the older son:  "You are with me always and all I have is yours" (Luke 15:31).  And the landowner says:  "Why should you be envious because I am generous?" (Matthew 20:15).

When we truly enjoy God's unlimited generosity, we will be grateful for what our brothers and sisters receive.  Jealousy will simply have no place in our hearts.

Words That Come From the Heart

Words that do not become flesh in us remain "just words."  They have no power to affect our lives.  If someone says,  "I love you," without any deep emotion, the words do more harm than good.  But if these same words are spoken from the heart, they can create new life.

It is important that we keep in touch with the source of our words.  Our great temptation is to become "pleasers," people who say the right words to please others but whose words have no roots in their interior lives.  We have to keep making sure our words are rooted in our hearts.  The best way to do that is in prayerful silence.

Witnesses of Love

How do we know that we are infinitely loved by God when our immediate surroundings keep telling us that we'd better prove our right to exist?  

The knowledge of being loved in an unconditional way, before the world presents us with its conditions, cannot come from books, lectures, television programs, or workshops.  This spiritual knowledge comes from people who witness to God's love for us through their words and deeds.  These people can be close to us but they can also live far away or may even have lived long ago.  Their witness announces the truth of God's love and calls us to act in accordance with it.

Small Steps of Love

How can we choose love when we have experienced so little of it?  We choose love by taking small steps of love every time there is an opportunity.  A smile, a handshake, a word of encouragement, a phone call, a card, an embrace, a kind greeting, a gesture of support, a moment of attention, a helping hand, a present, a financial contribution, a visit ...  all these are little steps toward love.

Each step is like a candle burning in the night.  It does not take the darkness away, but it guides us through the darkness.  When we look back after many small steps of love, we will discover that we have made a long and beautiful journey.

Walk with Jesus on the Earth

Jesus is deeply connected to the earth on which he walks. He observes the forces of nature, learns from them, teaches about them, and reveals that the God of Creation is the same God who sent him to give good news to the poor, sight to the blind, and freedom to the prisoners. He walks from village to village, sometimes alone and sometimes with others; as he walks, he meets the poor, the beggars, the blind, the sick, the mourners, and those who have lost hope. He listens attentively to those with whom he walks, and he speaks to them with the authority of a true companion on the road. He remains very close to the ground.

If I am to follow Jesus, then I, too, must remain close to the soil. Often I look up into the clouds and daydream about a better world. But my dreams will never bear fruit unless I keep turning my eyes again and again back to the dust of this earth and listening to what God is saying to me on the road of life. For I am connected to the earth and to all who walk the earth with me. Nature is not the background to our lives; it is a living gift that teaches us about the ways and will of the Creator.

Jesus Is in the World Not of It

The Beatitudes offer us a self-portrait of Jesus.  At first it might seem to be a most unappealing portrait - who wants to be poor, mourning and persecuted?  Who can be truly gentle, merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker, and always concerned about justice?  Where is the realism here?  Don't we have to survive in this world and use the ways of the world to do so?

Jesus shows us the way to be in the world without being of it.  When we model our lives on his, a new world will open up for us.  The Kingdom of Heaven will be ours, and the earth will be our inheritance.  We will be comforted and have our fill; mercy will be shown to us.  Yes, we will be recognised as God's children and truly see God, not just in an afterlife, but here and now  (see Matthew 5:3-10).   That is the reward of modelling our lives on the life of Jesus!

Friends and Their Unique Gifts

No two friends are the same.  Each has his or her own gift for us.  When we expect one friend to have all we need, we will always be hypercritical, never completely happy with what he or she does have.

One friend may offer us affection, another may stimulate our minds, another may strengthen our souls.  The more able we are to receive the different gifts our friends have to give us, the more able we will be to offer our own unique but limited gifts.   Thus, friendships create a beautiful tapestry of love.

Friends and Their Limitations

We need friends.  Friends guide us, care for us, confront us in love, console us in times of pain.  Although we speak of "making friends," friends cannot be made.  Friends are free gifts from God.  But God gives us the friends we need when we need them if we fully trust in God's love.

Friends cannot replace God.  They have limitations and weaknesses like we have.  Their love is never faultless, never complete.  But in their limitations they can be signposts on our journey towards the unlimited and unconditional love of God.  Let's enjoy the friends whom God has sent on our way.

Losing and Gaining Our Lives

The great paradox of life is that those who lose their lives will gain them.  This paradox becomes visible in very ordinary situations.  If we cling to our friends, we may lose them, but when we are nonpossessive in our relationships, we will make many friends.  When fame is what we seek and desire, it often vanishes as soon as we acquire it, but when we have no need to be known, we might be remembered long after our deaths.  When we want to be in the center, we easily end up on the margins, but when we are free enough to be wherever we must be, we find ourselves often in the center.

Giving away our lives for others is the greatest of all human arts.  This will gain us our lives.

Writing to Save the Day

Writing can be a true spiritual discipline. Writing can help us to concentrate, to get in touch with the deeper stirrings of our hearts, to clarify our minds, to process confusing emotions, to reflect on our experiences, to give artistic expression to what we are living, and to store significant events in our memories. Writing can also be good for others who might read what we write.

Quite often a difficult, painful, or frustrating day can be "redeemed" by writing about it. By writing we can claim what we have lived and thus integrate it more fully into our journeys. Then writing can become lifesaving for us and sometimes for others too.

The Answer to Our Questions

We spend a lot of time and energy raising questions.  Is it worth it?  It is always good to ask ourselves why we raise a question.  Do we want to get useful information?  Do we want to show that someone else is wrong?  Do we want to conquer knowledge?  Do we want to grow in wisdom?  Do we want to find a way to sanctity?

When we ponder these questions before asking our questions, we may discover that we need less time and energy for our questions.  Perhaps we already have the information.   Perhaps we don't need to show that someone is wrong.  For many questions we may learn that we already have the answers, at least if we listen carefully to our own hearts.

Loving Our Spiritual Leaders

Religious leaders, priests, ministers, rabbis, and imams can be admired and revered but also hated and despised.  We expect that our religious leaders will bring us closer to God through their prayers, teaching, and guidance.  Therefore, we watch their behavior carefully and listen critically to their words.   But precisely because we expect, often without fully realising it, to be superhuman, we are easily disappointed or even feel betrayed when they prove to be just as human as we are.  Thus, our unmitigated admiration quickly turns into unrestrained anger.

Let's try to love our religious leaders, forgive them their faults, and see them as brothers and sisters.  Then we will enable them, in their brokenness, to lead us closer to the heart of God. 

Being Humble and Confident

As we look at the stars and let our minds wander into the many galaxies, we come to feel so small and insignificant that anything we do, say, or think seems completely useless.   But if we look into our souls and let our minds wander into the endless galaxies of our interior lives, we become so tall and significant that everything we do, say, or think appears of great importance.

We have to keep looking both ways to remain humble and confident, humorous and serious, playful and responsible.  Yes, the human person is very small and very tall.  It is the tension between the two that keeps us spiritually awake.

Deeply Rooted in God

Trees that grow tall have deep roots.  Great height without great depth is dangerous.  The great leaders of this world - like St. Francis, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr., - were all people who could live with public notoriety, influence, and power in a humble way because of their deep spiritual rootedness.

Without deep roots we easily let others determine who we are.  But as we cling to our popularity, we may lose our true sense of self.  Our clinging to the opinion of  others reveals how superficial we are.  We have little to stand on.  We have to be kept alive by adulation and praise.   Those who are deeply rooted in the love of God can enjoy human praise without being attached to it.

Daring to Become Dependent

When someone gives us a watch but we never wear it, the watch is not really received.  When someone offers us an idea but we do not respond to it, that idea is not truly received.  When someone introduces us to a friend but we ignore him or her, that friend does not feel well received.

Receiving is an art.  It means allowing the other to become part of our lives.  It means daring to become dependent on the other.  It asks for the inner freedom to say:  "Without you I wouldn't be who I am."   Receiving with the heart is therefore a gesture of humility and love.  So many people have been deeply hurt because their gifts were not well received.  Let us be good receivers.

Bringing the Spirit Through Leaving

It is often in our absence that the Spirit of God manifests itself.  When Jesus left his disciples he said:  "It is for your own good that I am going, because unless I go, the Paraclete [the Spirit] will not come to you.  However, when the Spirit of truth comes he will lead you to the complete truth"  (John 16: 7;13).  It was only in Jesus' absence that his friends discovered the full meaning of his presence.  It was only in his absence that they completely understood his words and experienced full communion with him; and it was only in his absence that they could gather in a community of faith, hope, and love.

When we claim for ourselves that we come to our friends in the Name of Jesus - that through us Jesus becomes present to them - we can trust that our leaving will also bring them the Spirit of Jesus.  Thus, not only our presence but also our absence becomes a gift to others.