A Journeyof Faithwith Love,

Obedience that comes through Faith,

2012-02-10T18:21:00.000-08:00

This week has been a long and interesting journey, especially for myself and mostly the others too. Weeks ago, I was nominated for Student Council and well, I was pretty much surprised! I was really nervous especially when I came to the fact that I had to be interviewed by the Student Councils themselves and it was pretty scary, but it all went well, Praise God! Then came to the speech part, when I had to present myself in front of the "entire" student of MCKL, on stage. I had never done this in my entire life, apart from emceeing for a certain event, I had never ever did anything like this before. I was pretty doubtful before the speech, having to have a really tough competitor and wanting to quit the moment before I had to present my speech. But God had been so faithful throughout the weeks, He inspired me in so many ways and especially the fact that He was the one whom inspired me to write a speech about my past experience! &Well, I doubted that too, cos I thought that people wouldn't understand how it feels, but on that day, things change and well something took over me and I believe that it was God working in me, and especially my speech. I managed to pull it through, and was really encouraged when my friends were there to support me and to my surprise, the Juniors were too!
Praise God, no?

To myself, I believe that this is what God wants me to do. Having Him to tell and assure to me countless times that I am able to do it, especially when He told me that there are greater things yet to be done in MCKL and the fact that the other day when He asked me what would I do if I become a Student Council Member. I know and had seen how it went, being one and it was totally out of my field especially when I am an extremely shy person and well being an introvert was an extra effort for me. &I'd always thought that, the greater things were yet to be done in CF. Mr. Yoshua said this before, "Sometimes, God wants you to do things out of your comfort zone." &that was the time when I doubted the fact that I was able to do it.
Well, to tell you the truth, after knowing the fact that I was in and everyone around me was so happy; I couldn't help but to think for this, that this is it, this was the prayer that I've said months ago and this is it. I had the fear that I wouldn't be what they would want me to be, but this I know that through God, everything and anything is possible. &I believe that if He had chosen me, I shall not fail Him but to do the best that I can, by faith through perseverance.

God, this is for you.

Invisible,

2012-01-28T06:44:00.001-08:00

I hate this feeling, I hope that I have never met anyone of you.
Kaythanksbye.

2012-01-23T10:31:00.000-08:00

Lifted up,

2012-01-20T04:23:00.000-08:00

Before you, I grew up as a tender shoot. I lived in scarce condition and the sun they burned me, the soil they drowned me. Before you, I grew up, broken and disappointed. Love, burned me, and my failings drowned me. At the age of five, you asked if you could my hand, and as innocent as I was, I said yes. The world seemed as though like the pictures I used to draw, with crayons and colours, life was happy and great. You hands, they never fail me, they gripped me as I fall and held me as I cry. At the age of seventeen, I let go of that hand, thinking that I could live without it. Thinking that I was able, and strong enough to live in a broken world. My world, they continued to drown and fail me. What seemed like I loved the most, turned back against me, and denied me before my soul. But the more I try to loose you, the tighter you held against my heart, the more I tried to hurt myself, to die, but your gripped, they tightened before my soul. At the age of eighteen, the hands that once held mine 13 years ago, the hands that I once denied a year ago, are now the hands that holds my world together.
&Lord, you see me as I am. You have seen me cry, laugh and curse. You have seen the side of me that I have hidden from my friends. You have seen the world around me falling when all I could do was to dream a perfect and better one. When I was in denial, you woke me up from my dream and told me to take heart and be strong. When my life comes crashing down, you whispered to me, "I will be there, I will never leave you nor forsake you". When I couldn't feel you near or here, you said this in a still small voice, "I am here, and has always been".
and in my life, I've been to the place where home is no longer one, family is no longer there. &I've lost the life, only to know that I've gained you.
Laura Story, "&when God takes everything away, all you have is you and your faith. You grip on that one thing that you have, and God was all that you have."

Lord, I am forever and ever grateful

This Love,

2012-01-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

Hello there, (:*
I'm in the midst of an examination, just 4 days away from my last paper! *yaaaaaaaay. Life has been great with loads of fun activities and events coming in their way, oooh I can't waaait! Last Sunday, I attended Steph's church, Community Baptist Church and it was pretty good! Coming from a big church that looks like a shopping mall, I was pretty amazed at how a church, the size of a town house could hold up to so much of love. The presence of God was surely there, and well the environment was really warm. The senior pastor was approachable and every where you turn, you know their names, it's like one big family of God. The worship session was great, especially when I'm used to having a concert like worship session, but this was just small yet so amazing. The Senior Pastor, preached about contentment and it felt like as though God spoke right through my heart. Though he stutters at almost every word he says, but He never fails to preach the sermon in the right manner, at least with all his heart and soul. Sermon ended at roughly 12 ish and well with the Benediction and a prayer that was said so simply yet so powerfully. He spoke something about following God's plan, and it was by far the safest thing on earth. The moment he said it, I couldn't hold back the tears, and I had the urge to just cry and pour out, but having to be new and overwhelmed by the new environment, I held back.
A year back, I started attending DUMC, and it was a pretty big church, and sermons were always held in the auditorium that was able to contain atleast 2,000 people. I didn't know many people there other than my cell group members and beyond that social circle, I seriously have no body to go to. I remembered having to attend church every other Saturday and often times I'll always reach church an hour earlier; I remembered how awkward it was to be a youth in that church, surrounded by so many people yet, I knew none. I remembered that I had to hide in the toilet, and sat there for about half an hour to avoid the awkwardness. The church was big, as how I described it, it was huge, over a thousand of people would attend the weekend services and yet they'll only know a handful of people. My Senior Pastor has never spoken to me, and has never known my name. To tell you the truth, the church was glorifying God in every way, being sued by the Jakim, having to be a model church to other churches, to have grown in population over the year, yet no one could see the cracks on these four walls. My church, lacks of unity, and that warmness when you enter a church. I seriously do not find refuge in it, I don't find it comfortable being in church and so to say I'd rather be anywhere else than there.

Being in Community Baptist church has surely opened my eyes, to see how a small church could contain such an amazing and great love. & in shame I proclaim that, that small church was far more greater than that big big church, because first there was God, then Unity and finally love.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,

2012-01-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

I have suffered enough, I don't believe that I deserve these kind of cold treatments from you people. I have definitely cried enough, do you know how much it hurts to cry? Definitely not, because you have not been treated like the way I have been. I don't believe that this is what you do to your sister in Christ, after all you guys are my cell group members, and I find it contradicting that you mock and insult hypocrites but you do not look upon your own hearts to see how selfish and foolish you people are? You preach the words among your friends but you hardly live by the word. Who am I to judge you? Only God knows what are in the hearts of men.
Everyday, as I leave for church, it feels like as though a weight or burden has been placed on my shoulder. It feels like as though I have been dragging my dead body to church each day, and I hate it. I definitely love going to church, I love being there and being there makes me feel like as though I am home, a place where God dwells, a place where I can go and seek refuge. But no, you guys ditch me, neglected me in times when I needed you so. You guys left me to deal with my own mess, and where are the promises you guys once made? No call, not even a message to ask how was I, no one was bothered to ask why didn't I go to church? People will probably make up their own excuses for my absence, like "Oh, she has exams." Yes, I do, I have exams, but I need God, I need His blessing in this, and I so wanted to go to church but no one informed me about any meetings or so, and I was left unwanted and broken.
Sometimes I wish that someone, or anyone of you whom I've referring to will read this, will see that my ignorance was the result of my brokenness, that my absence was to run away from the tears that will come every single time after church. I want you to see how bitter am I, how broken am I and it saddens me because I used to hold you so dear and close to my heart, but now, everything's gone.

Lord,
I thank you for the memories made, I thank the moments when I felt accepted and loved. Lord, wont you just heal me O God.

Hippies got em flowers,

2012-01-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

I guess it's all about mixing with the right kind of people to make you feel worthy and acceptable in a very good way. College might have just started days ago for some of us, but as for myself and the rest of the college mate, it'll be after the upcoming examination. Just six days away from Edexcel, I am almost ready, but not really ready to Ace it just yet. Life has been great, with loads of exciting events coming in the way and truck loads of new people to meet! I recently met one of my ex-schoolmates and am really excited to meet more of them! It's amazing of how times like these reminded me of how great high school was(:*
God has been so merciful, seriously. It was just last year that I prayed to God for a friend, preferably a girl that I can talk to and has the exact same point of view as I am (religion), well after months of trying to fit in and shizz, I've finally met not one but four instead! What a blessing:D They are just a bunch of amazing people that you meet at some points of your life, having to be one another's accountability partners, well God has so answered my prayers! Well, it's the 5th day of 2012 and we'll see what the Lord has in store for those who waits on His perfect timing.

Moments of truth,

2012-01-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

Something that you should know about me, I fear rejections and being left out in a crowd. I fear them so badly, that I had rather go w the flow even if it takes the whole of me.

2011,

2011-12-30T10:29:00.000-08:00

#nowplaying Laura Story - Blessings.

I started this year, hating myself, my birthday and God.
I looked forward to nothing in twenty-eleven and hoped that the world would end any time soon. But little did I know, the God whom I hated and loathed for six months had a surprise so beautiful that it seemed unbelievable(: On the 2nd of January, I started working for my first job in my life as a Kindergarten Teacher at my mother's friend's kindergarten in Ara Damansara, after being interviewed for more than three times in three different Kindergartens, I believed that Kinderland was an answered prayer from God. &so the journey as being a teacher began with much cuteness and love, a passion burning so deep within and a girl's nature to be caring and loving towards young kids. I taught Mathematics and English and was assigned to be Nursery's Class teacher. It was amazing, having to met all sorts of parents on Parents Lecture Conference, to see so many flaws in marriage that had so affected a kid, and having one of the parents crying to me as though I was old enough to understand the art of marriage. I've worked for a total of five months, and well I found what I loved to do, but due to some obligations, I was encouraged not to pursue my dreams. Trust me, those five months were enough to change a person, not including the fact that I gained almost 30 kilograms but, the fact that I was backsliding, backing away from the light I once held on to, and witnessed my very own falling. But God has been so so faithful, it had been wonderful to see how He used these kids to bring me right back on track(:
Here are some pictures to look upon, and admire some of their cuteness!

Ethan, the boy who vomitted cheese and milk, and cause about 2 other girls to vomit too, whereby one of em actually vomitted on my bag. sigh

Ryan and Elisa!
My cute little children, Ryan imagines loads and dreams to beyond infinity and Elisa's the typical girl, as pampered as a princess!

Dylan, my lovelie!
A 4 year old with the brains of a 6 year old, he's a special child by the way.
Left in the mid of March, and trust me he took a piece of my heart away and this I know, I'll never love another, :*(

On your far left is Ean Ean!
Cute, chubby, talkactive and white like snow white!

AND these two, will fight like crazy and then make up for one another's meannes!
it's a love hate relationship, yo!
By the way, I secretly thinks that her daddy used to train her how to post for pictures. LOL

My Nursery Babies, from left to right
Jared, Brayden, Ethan
ps:// Ean Ean's not in Nursery, she was real sesat at that time.

Kindergarten 1

Airin claims that it's a heart, and she says that she specially made it for me (:
&I really think that it looks like a heart. hahaha

my precious gems.

I really thank God for the memories that Kinderland has so enrinched my life with. Though many times, I felt like I wasn't worthy of the job and was given too much of it, but it was all worth the try. I really thank you kids for teaching me the art of pure and selfless love, and so many laughters and joy you have bought to my heart. The five months were the essence of my struggles, having to deal with doubts and a broken family, but you kids have kept me going and have never failed to put a smile in the end of the day. I thank for the wonderful memories made, and the opportunity to watch as each and everyone of you grow in to someone better. I hope the best for all of you, and always know that you guys will always be in my heart, even till the day that I may die.
As for the teachers, I must thank the Principals for giving me opportunities to grow and mature. & you guys have been some rockstar principals that I have never met in my life! *rockon! As for Sangheetha and Paula, I thank you guys for the fun memories made especially the times when I slept over and also our every Thursday night dinner at Kapitan! HAHA! and our secret *shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

As I am typing this, on my bed, I feel a tinge of that heartache within me, the longing to be in their lives again, to appear in one of those newly updated pictures, to work there for an eternity perhaps? But life has been filled with so much of surprises and sometimes, I hope to stay and live out all these surprises.But I believe that God gives and takes away, He gave me hope in my darkest times, He presented me love, pure and unfailing love through the children when I thought that love fails me so often. &then He takes them away, and He said " It's time to move on, My child". I believe that Kinderland was my healing process, it was when I accepted the fact that my life, was no longer mine, my family was no longer one, and hopped right into the train, into the journey of total acceptance and leaving behind the past and facing the moments that I tried to run away from. &when everything's back to normal, when all those tears were wiped away, all those aches were healed, the Lord said unto me, "Annita, there are greater things out there to accomplish".
So au revoir and always know this, that I love you and never did love you any less.

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

Awkward,

2011-12-29T08:16:00.000-08:00

So wonderful in all you do,

2011-12-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

I can see my smile lines, can you? Was fooling around with an app that I downloaded yesterday; Pretty cool though, it has loads of different kinds of filters and effects(:
This month has been amazingly good, I thank God for all the beautiful days and wonderful nights. Though struggles may come in the way and life may give me never ending reasons to doubt God, but I thank Him for being so faithful throughout this whole month. Truly, this month has been an answered prayer and a living testimony of how great and in control God is over each and everyone of our lives.
& someone once said this, "Throughout your brokenness, you also see God's abundant mercy".
True.

2011-12-25T18:21:00.001-08:00

“It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell and, giving out nothing, receive nothing and therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

Merry Christmas,

2011-12-25T17:58:00.000-08:00

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

Merry Christmas, and Have a Blessed time with your family and friends. Let us be reminded the Birth of Christ 2,000 plus years ago. His Birth has bought salvation to the unworthy, broke the chains of slavery, cleanse the unclean, and saved the lost and broken-hearted.
His love is greater than anything in the world, Praise Him for all that He has done.
Out of love, compassion and mercy, today is the Birthday of the one who gave it all for the sinners.

Blessed Birthday, Jesus.

Thorns in my flesh,

2011-12-25T03:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm officially eighteen:)
Could had spent the day in a shopping mall, and I regretted not doing so, instead, I decided that church would be a better place but I was plain wrong. I spent the entire journey crying in public and none can hold back those tears. Anger and hatred weren't the right emotions to have on my birthday, but it did. I felt so terrible, especially going to church the sense of longing to fell welcomed and belonging but never would.
Upon my arrival, I was expecting for at least a Birthday wish, but it turned out to be a cold solemn day, I guess I wasn't significant afterall. I did my duty, as best as I could and as busy as I would, to shut away those feelings but it kept bothering me till I could not take it at all. They were definitely talking right in front of my face, about having dinner after sermon and maybe going on a trip to Perak for a cell group retreat, but I was never included into their plans. So as quietly as I did, as busy as I seemed, I was trying to hide away the anger and sadness in my face.
None can describe how sad I felt yesterday, especially being my birthday, it made things horrible. I knew I made the wrong decision to go to church that day, because I had the sudden fear of being in it.
Well, I had made up my mind, that by March, after my baptism and such, after all the College procedures are well, I will leave that church and maybe find a new one. Cos this I know, not even the waves of tsunami can waver my love for God.

I may be persecuted, but I am not abandoned, because my God once told me 2,000 years ago, that He will never leave me nor forsake me, & He never did.

Final Note,
I tried, I tried to fit in so badly, and I see the change in me, I didn't like who I'd came to be, because it wasn't whom I was made to be. I decided to give up on trying, to surrender and give it all to fate and God. The reason why I am always silent during discussions was that my opinion has no effect on others, and even the faintest cries of my heart, no one was able to hear. I guess I blamed the 6 months of absence, but non the less, I would always hold that grunge against the members for neglecting me in times of needs. Those six months, I struggled between life and God, life was too much to handle and sometimes, it expects so much from me, I guess I couldn't handle while having the God of Hope yet, my life was still falling apart. Sometimes, I did ask myself this, "Is it me, or them?", many times I tried to be who I am in college, I tried to be jolly and fun, I tried to bring in topics and be happy, but upon entering the room, being in the group, I just lost all those enthusiasm to talk and to be involved.
I guess, I can only be that girl, who stands at the side and watch the fun, but never to be included.

Thanks, for welcoming me.

HAI.

2011-12-24T06:29:00.000-08:00

18, alive and blessed.
All for His glory (:*

Happy 18th,

2011-12-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Happy 18 year old to myself (: I really thank God for everything that He has so blessed me with, though at times I see myself so unworthy but the Lord, He is beyond merciful. I thank God for my family, though it may not seem perfect but I thank God for the wonderful mother that He has so present me with, such a strong and courageous woman, Praise God. I thank God for my friends, the ones whom I hold so dear, so close to my heart, those whom has been my pillar of strength, my fortress of hope; Those whom I have cried and poured my heart at. I thank God for the many people I've met through out my 12 months, half of which I spent in the Kinderland, and the other half, College. I thank God for the job opportunity that he has given me, it was an answered prayer, the many adorable kids that I've met throughout my six months and the people whom I have come to known with all my heart, I thank God for all of you. I thank God for college, for it has moulded me and shaped me into someone whom I thought I never will be.
My life has never seem to be perfect or pretty, but throughout the 18 years of living, knowing that the Lord has been so faithful and gracious, I believe that I do not need such a perfect life after all. The times when I should be crying and worrying, yet He provided, against all odds, He has made everything possible. He is above all whom I am grateful of.

Lord, I thank you Jesus, that you have picked me up from the mess and bought me under your wings. I thank you Lord or your unfailing love, though I may walk in the valley of darkness, but I shall not fear for the Lord is with me, forever and always. Amen.

2011-12-22T20:21:00.001-08:00

“My Dearest Daughter,
I see your loneliness and fear. I know your hurt and your heartaches. In a special bottle I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see you struggle, all this must be, in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding: only then can you fully hear my voice. Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I’m calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel my arms encircling you and hear my soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still, small voice within you is mine. Yes, that gentle touch is me. Give me your pain- yes, all of it, and I will give you my peace. Give me your sorrow and I will give you joy unspeakable.

I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for my companion, my bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy and experience the wonder of being my bride, I will be your gentle tutor conforming you to my image. I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to me. Let me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday choose to bring to me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to me. I want you to deny me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust me- completely. I keep my promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in me, you are complete and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem beautiful- ugly? Why do you believe that that one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me- completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a tie. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because my grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until my love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in me. I love you, my child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you my faithfulness, my gentleness, and my self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough.

You must keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest and the best things from me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by my side. Seek my face in the morning, my presence throughout the day, and my comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart.

You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready… I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time… until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in me. First give me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in me.

I want you to experience real “agape” love- not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong. Love that does not delight in evil but instead rejoices in truth. He love I want for you Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, never fails. Because this love is of the spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity- for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in me.

Let my perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself; you are my responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to me, I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are mine; let me have the joy of making you into my image- only I can do this. Above all else, look to me and me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle, relax and trust my love. I know what is best and will do it in and through you if you’ll let me. Stop trying to become, and let me transform you from within. I love you Daughter. Will you let my love be enough for you? I’m waiting… will you wait too?

Jesus”

You give and Take away,

2011-12-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

Sadly, I will be officially eighteen by tomorrow, it's wonderful how time passes so quickly and within a blink of an eye, I am finally legal and a year away from being a young adult. This year has been a rough and healing journey, but the Lord has been faithful all these while. Truly I say, without Him, I had been dead, buried 7 feet off the ground, He has been my strength and my shield. I thank God for so many things but most of all His still small voice in times when I thought I wasn't worthy of anything. In His voice, he came like a still chill breeze, so faint yet so strong and truly he listens to all our prayers and I thank you Lord for being such a humble listener towards all my rants and complains.

Just days away till we leave 2011 behind and look forward to a wonderful new beginning, a journey made beautiful in His timings and plans. 2011 has been a rough year for me, with my ups and downs, but the Lord has been merciful, and I've met so many people within just the short 12 months of my life; They have been such a blessing from God, as they came and tearing down my emotional wall, broke it wide open and truly they are God sent. I thank God for the opportunities to grow and to serve in the ministries he has so blessed the church and college with; Having to be a worship leader, serving in tape counter, a prayer leader, I thank God for so many things that he has made me seem to capable of.
Truly, I have learned to step out of my comfort zone and begin a journey of faith.

He's wonderful, no?

The Lord's Prayer

2011-12-20T03:42:00.000-08:00

Our Father, Who Art In Heaven.
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But... you called me!
Called you? No, I didn't call you. I'm praying. Our Father who
art in Heaven...
There... you did it again.
Did what?
Called me. You said, "Our Father, who art in Heaven."
Well, here I am. What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my
prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's Prayer. It makes me
feel good, kind of like fulfilling a duty.
Well, all right. Go on.
Okay. Hallowed be Thy name...
Hold it right there. What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be Thy name"?
It means... good grief, I don't know what it means. How in the
world should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way,
what does it mean?
It means honored, holy, wonderful.
Ah, that makes sense. I never thought about what hallowed
meant before. Thanks. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven...
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess. I just think it would be good if
you got control of everything down here like you have up there.
We're kind of in a mess down here you know.
Yes, I know; but have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church.
That isn't what I asked you. What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know. And what
about some of the language you use and the stuff you talk
about? What about your impatience with others and
thinking that you're better than they are? What about the
people you've judged? Remember, that's MY job, not
yours.
Now hold on just a minute! Stop picking on me! I'm just as
good as some of the rest of those people at church!
Excuse me? I thought you were praying for MY will to be
done? If that is to happen, it will have to start with the
ones who are praying for it... like you, for example.
Oh, all right. I guess I do have some issues. Now that you
mention it, I could probably name some others.
So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would
like to cut out some of those things. I would like to... you know,
be really free.
Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together,
you and me. I'm proud of you.
Look, Lord, if you don't mind, I need to finish up here. This is
taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread...
You need to cut out some of the bread. You're a little over-
weight as it is.
Hey, wait a minute! What is this? Here I am doing my religious
duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my
problems.
Praying is a dangerous thing. You could end up changed, you know.
That's what I'm trying to bring across to you.
Remember, you called me; and here I am. It's too
late to stop now. Keep praying.
................
Well, go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try me and see.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us...
What about Susan and others who have done you wrong?
See... I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why, Lord?
She's told lies about me and spread stories. She never paid back
the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her!
But... your prayer. What about your prayer?
I didn't, you know, really mean it.
Well, at least you're honest. But it's quite a load carrying
around all that bitterness and resentment, isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her. Boy, have
I got some plans for her. She'll wish she had never been born!
No, you won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge
isn't sweet. You know how unhappy you are. Well, I can
change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Susan. Then I'll forgive you; and the hate and sin
will be Susan's problem, not yours. You will have settled the
problem as far as you are concerned.
OK... you know... you're right. You always are. And more than
I want revenge, I want to be right with You. (Sigh)... All right,
all right... I forgive her.
There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?
Hmm. Well... not bad. Not bad at all! In fact, I feel pretty
good! You know, I don't think I'll be going to bed all uptight
tonight. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, you know.
Yeah, I know. But you're not through with your prayer, are
you? Go on.
Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...
Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I know.
OK. Go ahead and finish your prayer.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.
Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory and what would
really make me happy?
No, but I would like to know. I want to please you now. I've
really made a mess of things. I want to truly follow you. I can
see now how great that would be. So tell me... how do I make
you happy?
You just did.

Something real interesting you find on stumbleupon.com

You Bought Me Home by Hillsong London

2011-12-17T18:13:00.000-08:00

Do you remember the times when you groan or moan in pain, begging for God to take all these away? The times when we indulge ourselves in the comfort of this world, the times when we're so unappreciative towards our parents and the things that they have provided for us, the education, the food and love. Many times, we're so blinded the things of the earth, we neglect of the precious blessings that the Lord has given unto us. We often want more, and more is often not enough to satisfy our greedy souls, but do remember, the times when you want more, a kid out there has none of what you already have.
I, myself is an unappreciative child, born into the family, being the only child, pampered and spoiled as I grew older, demanding and wanting things, yet still having them at the end of the day without having to beg. I watch the things around me, beggars and homeless people wandering on the streets of Kuala Lumpur, holding a can, the only possession, and continue to beg for sympathy. The sound of coins, clinging from within the cans often put me in despair; As a child, I was thought not to give money to anyone of them, because my mom has always warned me that, you might not know what they will do with the money, good or bad. But as I read through the scriptures and I stumbled upon this, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40
So much as we save up our allowance to buy this or that, or even a phone to satisfy ourselves, many people out there are struggling to even have the sufficient amount of money to buy food. I witnessed single mothers, abandoned by their husbands, leaving her with a burden on her shoulder, to support her sons/ daughters. I watched as people beg for money on the street, sleep on cardboard boxes, dig through the rubbish dump for food or cans, I watch all these and I can't bear to watch these any more.
Yet, my heart fear without a reason. I fear in doing good, in giving money for either one of the beggars, and up till now, as I pass by the street I always do, with loads of beggars begging for money, some are amputees, some are either too old to fed for themselves, overcome by sympathy, yet I fear to give them that sum of money.
Hmmm, I'm still learning to overcome my fears, and I pray to God that one day I'll take up that courage to do what I've been so afraid of(:

Beautiful Day,

2011-12-16T21:39:00.000-08:00

Pretty sick of studying, sick of going to the library and taking the advantage of that quietness to study. My results were the least expected, not very bad but not very good either, just in between. I'm just a unit away from finishing Biology and I'm officially done with Chemistry already, just the practising and needs to brush up on the way I answer questions. I haven't touched Maths ever since the holiday started, and Physics too. I'm starting to fear for the future, everything is so uncertain now, nothing is for sure.
I was at the gym yesterday, doing the usual things and it starts to bore the heck outta me. Things were just flying through my mind as I cycle, though the music was blaring down my ear drums but those just can't silent my thoughts. I thought about college, God and church well most of all church. The more I thought about church, of how I used to fit right in, and now I was just another outsider. It hurt to see how much of attention the new girl gets and how everyone around her helped her especially when she needed transport, she was well included into every events and outings and I was not called to either one. I grew accustomed to the way they neglected me, to shun away the pain, I acted dumb.
As I cycled, pushing and pulling the paddle, the stationary mountain bike and sometimes I wished that it does have wheels. I grew frustrated for the fact that I am stuck no where, and I just hopped out of the bike and went home.
I ate a bowl of spaghetti gravy and who knows how much of calories it has, but I was definitely not in a very good mood. Well, my birthday's next week and I'm not looking forward to it anymore.

Sweet Anointing,

2011-12-16T04:36:00.000-08:00

Whenever you come as a visitor at my church, they will definitely invite you to the Visitor's Lounge where they will serve you with warm tea or coffee and some things to eat. Moreover, they will present you with a goodie bag, and there will obviously be things inside, the church's biography, some papers and forms and most of all, Pastor Daniel Ho's sermon recorded in a CD, The Art of Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a really strong aspect in a Christian Life, Jesus Himself once taught us to forgive others as how He has forgiven us. God himself has forgiven and cleansed us by the blood of Jesus Christ, his one and only son. The whole Christian life cannot be explained by the verse John3:16 alone but by the whole bible, the life of God, the birth of Jesus and till the revelations. The full length of God's love is portrayed through out the bible, and his love soon grew into an action of giving or sacrificing His one and only son that He may die and cleanse our sins once and for all.
Forgiveness has always been the greatest struggle in my life but not towards the silliest mistakes or wrong doings but towards my father. He who had once abused me mentally and emotionally, lied a million times and begged for forgiveness, yet we are so blinded by his lies that it made everything seemed so real, that he was really going to change. But in the end of the day, when lies soon fade into grey, the truth behind why he started following me to church was so that he could hide the fact that he was still himself. Torn and broken, I was filled with rage and grieve, most of a sense of pity.
How pathetic is it for a man to hide behind the light, such that its evil deed will not appear? My father is a lost soul and forever will be, to be truthful, his absence or death will do nothing unto me, because this I know since the day of my birth, I have never known my father neither have I loved him.

A black hole buried beneath my heart, and soon they will all go away into the unknown. As for now, I am so afraid of loosing myself again, so afraid of having that heart to doubt against the one who gave it all. Clinging unto my father in heaven's unfailing love and Hebrews13:5 for reassurance, I pray that the Lord will strengthen me through this.

Dear Dad,

2011-12-14T03:44:00.000-08:00

I hate it when you're finally home, after months of absence, not even a phone call or so I grew to love not having you around. You coming back and staying with us has totally disrupted and affected my life at home. I can't study in the living room neither can I eat. Just by the look of your face, I feel that disgust slowly surging into my body. Though I am your one and only daughter and you are defo my one and only father, but if God ever give me that chance to neglect and even forget the fact that I have a father, I would. If you are to disown me in the future, I will rejoice and dance around singing songs of Praise to be finally broken from that bondage. For much shame and tears you have caused in this family, the emotional and mental torments that you gave to both mom and myself, I felt like killing you every second as I breath.
The moment when you stole my chocolate without my permission, ate it right in front of my face, I hope you chock on it and die on that instant. The moment when you just abandoned us and your responsibility, it is like as though the vows that you have promised against my mother is nothing to you or anyone there.
I hate you to the core of my very hard, and I am pleased to say that your parents have both left for the eternity, I can't imagine how deprive they will be, watching as their very son ruining someone else's life.
Each day, I wish that you will get into a car accident or flee from here, or disappear.
Seeing you, made me feel as though my past has never left me, it has always been there to wound me as much as it can and it kills me. You above all do not deserve to stay in this house and every single day, I wish for you to leave.
I hope that the Lord will answer my prayer.
Sincerely, Your Daughter.

A little footprint in the sand,

2011-12-13T04:22:00.000-08:00

Picture stolen from Esther Lee(:

Just weeks away from the real Examination and mentally, I am okay, but physically I am dying, weird, no? Spent almost the whole day studying at College's Library, pretty depressing for the fact that it's the quietest place here in Kuala Lumpur, more like pin drop silence. I was quite satisfied for the fact that I managed to finish what I wanted to before coming to college! Tonight is going to be a rough night, and I shall survive on coffee, and coffee and more coffee! I cannot wait for tomorrow to come, sincerely, I am quite excited for Physics and even more excited for the fact that I'll be having lunch with z dearest!
I'm back on reading again, by the way. After just months of not being able to read due to time, and laziness I finally forced myself to read the book that I once doubted on buying. It turned out to be a really good book, a testimony of God. I can't say that it has a Christian Foundation unto it, but the elements of Christ, love, hope and faith.

This week, the Lord opened my eyes to that tiny blessings that he showers on each and everyone of us. Though we may be blinded by our problems and stuffs, but when we actually take that time to just be still and reflect, we can see that though our days may seem gloomy but that tiny blessing from God, like a sawdust can actually illuminate the skies and see that silver lining in those darkest hours.
- Microblessings.

Something that I look unto, when my heart and feelings fail me.

A blessing,

2011-12-12T04:55:00.000-08:00

God you are a blessing unto me.
&I am forever grateful.

Sovereign Hands,

2011-12-10T19:50:00.001-08:00

I was on the way home from Amcorp Mall yesterday, after spending almost the whole afternoon with my beloveds, I can say that I missed doing the things I loved. As usual, I took the bus home and decided to stop at Kelana Jaya and walk right home. A lonely journey home, away from the crowd and people whom I know, just God and I. It started with, "Would you want to go on a date with me?" and then the journey began. I started telling God about how I felt, and I pondered upon the past and the present, the long way home had been nothing but reflections on how far the Lord had bought me. I even told God about this special guy, and I prayed a prayer that I had never thought I would, I prayed for my future spouse, like my close friend always said, "It is not wrong to start praying for your future spouse".
I told Him almost everything, every single burdens and heartaches even the things that I felt unsatisfied by. The walk home was just amazing; Though some of the passer-by(s) thought that I was insane enough t speak to myself, well nothing mattered much in moments as these especially when you can hardly get one in times as these.
He was such a good listener, and I was glad that He was there to hear me out, better than any friend that I had ever had, I thank You Lord for that amazing day.

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,Hebrews 6:19
The hope we find in Christ.

Love Amazing,

2011-12-10T08:26:00.001-08:00

At the age of merely 7, I hated the way I looked, how my body was, the way I spoke and walked. Well to sum it all up, I used to hate myself more than my enemies do. There was one night when I couldn't stand staring at the mirror and the reflection of this ugly girl disgusted me, I started scratching my face and stuffs, thinking that I could rip this face outta my head, literally. & I was left with scars that lasted till this day, to remind myself of that very day when by just that mere age, how I started hating myself. That scar was deep but barely visible, just somewhere between my left and right eye, but closer to my left eye.
Throughout my 17 years of life I struggled to accept myself just the way I was created, no one had ever called my pretty other than my mother. People would say that, outer appearance does not matter much, but it mattered to me more than anything else. I tried dieting, but it failed so badly that I started eating more than I should. I ate the pain away, the rejections and how people used to tease my weight. I hated how my primary school friends would embarrass me infront of others, and especially when it came to weighing yourself in class, my classmates would try to predict and see who wins in predicting the right one. The moment I stepped on the scales, people would start shouting and till the apparent weight was shown, they would be telling everybody, and well my weight would be the hot topic of the week.
My weight had always been the topic, the jokes that others laugh at; &yet they still wondered why on earth I would cry every time when someone teases me.
Form 3, my mother signed me up for a gym membership as a reward for my PMR result and I started loosing weight ever since, Form 5, I weighed 69 kgs; & people started noticing me. I was able to fit into whatever clothes that I took from the rak, and for once I felt acceptance. Until when I decided to stop going to the gym, I started gaining weight drastically, my clothes and jeans did not fit me anymore. I started college mid this year, struggled with my appearance and looked up to Kate Moss. I started starving, then moved on to become a buli, my mother did not disown me when she found that out, she acted like nothing happened. I started loosing weight drastically, it could be 2 kgs per day or one. Eating became the hardest thing to do, and I suffered.
To me I had rather starve a day from food than to stuff food down my throat. Until when a friend of mine yelled at the top of his lungs during a dinner, shouting "Annita, you got eating disorder arh?". & that hit me so hard, it felt like as though all these while I've been destroying myself, my very body but yet it felt so good, the result was indeed good, such a way that I didn't see it coming.
But the Lord was faithful.
I started eating regularly these days, but..
I dont know..

Ebenezer,

2011-12-08T23:38:00.001-08:00

High Praise 2011
hmmmm, can't believe 2011 will come to an end soon.
This year has been magical.
Gonna come to a day where I'll have my final 2011 blog post.
*Wipetears

More than before,

2011-12-08T05:42:00.001-08:00

"Lord, it's alright if my uncle does not bother to help us because I know that you'll never leave me nor forsake me. Even if you've made this happen, I know that there are greater things to come. "
That simple prayer, that simple faith, that simple love, everything I thought that I'll never have, everything that I thought I lacked of.
I was praying in the room yesterday, seeking and asking for God to answer my request if it was ever in His will and suddenly I started crying, begging for God not to leave me, nor forsake me. I cried and cried, and that was the moment I longed for, to see how helpless and hopeless I was without God, to see that I was nothing without Him. I learned to trust in God with just that simple faith, like a child I humbled myself before Him, though He did not answer what I requested for but He gave me something far better.

hmmmmm,
what else do I want more?

Search My Heart,

2011-12-06T16:37:00.001-08:00

In the midst of preparing for the major examination, woke up with a panic attack last night;
To tears I fell asleep, wondering where was God; Somehow I felt so distant from him, like he was really away and then I mumbled a prayer, the next thing I knew, I fell asleep and woke up feeling as though something bad really happened yesterday.

Lord, here I am today; Please don't let this happen to me.

To love is to be vulnerable,

2011-12-05T16:54:00.001-08:00

I remembered how I used to fall head over heels for this guy whom I barely even knew, well indeed I fell for his looks and admire the way he used to play volleyball, of how he was able to spike just like that. He was an A class student and well a Christian, perhaps? Maybe he was everything that my superstitious mind wants, but never my heart. Things went totally wrong, and to sum up the whole embarrassment and stuffs, I've learned my lesson and I thank God for whatever that happened. I was put to higher hopes, falling deeper and harder, yet to him it was all a game, a joke perhaps, a topic or a gossip to laugh around with his Volleyball friends. I remembered everything he did to me, falling for it, I was prolly stupid to do so, because to him my life was like a volleyball court and myself the ball that he spikes on. It was indeed hard for me, because I felt betrayed at the same time, I deleted him on facebook and my life.
Oh well, lets say that someone spoke into my life some sense, and I decided to add him up again, this year. Of troubles and heartaches, it felt like a whole volcano eruption, trying to click that add button, but at last I did, typed him an extra long message and well things are okay now, I guess?

I believe everything happened for a reason, I also believe that the very lesson why God stood there and watch me as I struggle with this heartbreak was that I could learn. I did learn, and I did change the ways I think, but I also did my very best to shut the pain, rejection. Eversince what happened, I shut my heart and well that didn't do me any better but I felt safe and warm.

& now, it felt as though something is going to happen again, maybe it's a one sided thing like last time, but somehow, this feels right.

&I will be with the one I love,

2011-12-05T02:02:00.001-08:00

Just before I leave for dinner with the bestie,
I just want to say this, to whoever out there that is reading,
Jesus loves you, and he loves you more than this,
He loves you enough to pamper you with love and everything.
:)

John3:16

2011-12-03T18:18:00.001-08:00

Thus far the Lord has helped us.

For the past few weeks, everyone had been busy preparing for the upcoming event, High Praise, our very last event of the year. Days of just staying back in college till the wee hours, the people whom God had so wonderfully blessed you with and the company whom so made the whole preparation a bliss. Kudos to Wilic himself, for being such an inspiring and humble leader! I thank God that the event was a success, that none of the props fell off during the sessions and that everything went well, just as God had assured. Well, for some of us, it marks the end of our first or second semester but for others, it marks the end of their entire college life, a big turning point towards something bigger yet wonderful.

For myself, worship had always been the most wonderful part about Christianity; Personally, I love singing but I never had the voice or lets say that talent to sing, but what I learned from my past experience that in Christ there is freedom, and especially freedom in Worship, times as such when the music is playing, away from the hustle bustle and all eyes and mind on God, you somehow just ponder upon your past, of how God has so faithfully helped you in so many ways, and truly in your life, though you may not see, but each and everyone of us are the living testimonies of God. During one of the worship sessions, I took the time alone, standing by the side to ponder upon my past, so shameful, so fearful yet so painful, it had been a long time since I've done that, but instead of focussing on the pain and shame that my father had caused me, I focussed onto the risen King, of how faithful he was, of how great, deep and wide his love was for me.
Then John3:16 came along, it says like this, "For God so love the world that He gave His one and only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have eternal life". But this time, the Holy Spirit, emphasized on the word, "so love" then a picture of just Jesus hung upon the cross, and somehow a reminder of something from the back of my head, of something I read from the bible weeks ago, it says this, "for he was sinless, but now became sinful", and everything made complete sense, that God so love the world, so love us, that he was willing to let His son to die for our sins, but not only that, for he is so holy, for he is sinless, that when he was hung upon the tree, he served as a sin offering, bearing the sins of man, that the day when he was hung upon that cross, His Abba Father forsaken him. &that is how great God's love for us.

For the past few months as you could see, I hated my church and my youth; I felt neglected in times of need and especially left out. But I thank God for Mabel, she sent me an encouragement message the other day and a couple of verses but one captured my heart, But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,Matthew5:44. It felt like as though God was telling me something through her, so on that very day which was yesterday, just before leading worship at the Cell Group that I hate the most, I prayed for strength, and somehow, though I hate it so much but I prayed for them and trust me the Lord he answers prayers and he listens to everyone of them.
and it all went well :)

Way back into love,

2011-11-25T05:08:00.001-08:00

*Annita, if you're ever bulimic, stuffing your fingers down your throat, I will kill you.
Life's dramatic, no? &no, am not bulimic, just that I'd been puking quite often these days, especially after meals. College had been quite hectic these days, with meetings held everyday after classes, there weren't enough time to go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat. I found it hard to eat these days, it was like my body could go weeks without food, but surely I'm exaggerating cos' I'd be dead if I were to do so. I couldn't even finish a whole bowl of rice, and swallowing food seemed to be the hardest thing I would have to do. I am so scared, so afraid, if I were to ever have eating problems, it would be such a surprise for everyone and even to myself, from a girl who became obese due to excessive amount of food consumed, now has eating disorders. I've been loosing weight these days, maybe a kg a day or even two and sometimes, I would gain another 2 and sometimes, I'd loose them. My body, is so damaged I don't quite know what to do.
I am loosing myself, each day. Hiding behind those laughters and smiles; I've never felt this disgusted towards myself ever. It all started with college, having the pressure to look presentable and pretty, just like the girls on seventeen magazine, went on a diet, registered for gym, lost about 5 kgs, then it just wasn't enough for me, and I went to the extreme, I starved. I stopped eating because the guilt that lurks from within whenever I pamper or shove food into my mouth, was so lethal, I had rather not eat at all.

I need help, loads of em'.

Take Heart,

2011-11-21T01:02:00.001-08:00

I tried my very best to blend in but you were just too ignorant to see my efforts and saying something amongst all of you was like saying nothing at all. I tried and I tried so hard, but whenever something seemed to workout among the mess, you had to break me and tear my soul apart. Do you know that it had been such a dread to go for Youth? Do you know that I spent my nights cursing and crying, everytime after church? Do you know how much of pain you had caused my heart to bear?
But this I've decided, that no matter whatever happens, I must never fall away; Or take this as a reason to backslide. It had been a countless number of times, and I have made up my mind that no matter how situations may seem, I will never fall away, ever again.
The Lord has never fail to comfort me in times as such, and I praise Him for that.
Thank you, Jesus.

the brokenness behind every story,

2011-11-14T06:41:00.001-08:00

The trip home was wonderful, Kari Jobe - You are for me, was blasting down my ears through the earphone; During the joyful chilly ride home on the bus, I have made up my mind about two things. Number 1, I will rededicate my life and this time is for real; Number 2, I am going to forget whatsoever that is occupying and filling up my heart capacity.
A year ago, a pastor from SIBKL came to my church and preached, Pastor Philip Lyn and his wife, both gave an equally awesome sermon. But what affected me the most was what his wife shared about having idols and stuffs, she said something about having to occupy your heart with idols and irrelevant stuff whereas the heart is where the King is, is where Jesus is. &if we were to fill up our hearts with unnecessary stuffs, where shall the Lord be?
For the past few weeks I have been struggling quite badly with a past lover, and everything seemed to be so broken again, something like how I felt years ago. It was a bad feeling, so sinful, that lust just lingers yet I thank God for Him, surely His mercy and grace pulled me through. &today as I renewed my vows, I see a cleaner and better person in me, and I could feel it down my spine that the Lord is saying this, "I am pleased with you".

&lastly, for the past few months, I have been struggling to bond with my youth cell group; Yet nothing bore fruit and probably I'd sow something but yielded none. I have made my decision, that I will step out of youth, and somehow do something with my spiritual life. I am not quite sure whether the decision made is a wise one, but I shall talk to someone about it.
Truthfully, I don't think it's right to go on any more, to be in a cell group that I loath and hate being in. I don't want to hate my church, I don't want to hate the temple of God, and most of all, I dont want to hate God. So hmmm, loads of thinking to do, till then loveyoulongtime. Bye.

#1 my right eye is smaller than my left,

2011-11-12T17:28:00.001-08:00

Funny picture, HAHAHAHAHAHA; College has been great, and hectic at the same time, been involving myself into so many things, sometimes I wondered if I was even supposed to. First was volunteering as a game booth master at my church for the Little India Festival, there were almost thousands of Indian and quite a number of Chinese. It was quite a rough day for me, knowing that I wasn't serving with a right heart, I left in between the games which was an hour before they close. Came home tired and all worn out, slept for 12 hours long and woke up rejuvenated, but guilty. To sum it up, I believe that the Lord, He was testing my patience, because I knew that when I was taking care of the lines, some of the players were cutting lines, and they weren't standing behind the lines as they were supposed to; What was worst that the passerby(s) kept intruding our games, and though I'd set a barrier, yet they still do. &I judged, when I wasn't supposed to, I was becoming more of a stereotype and a hypocrite, I've lost it, I just took my bag and went home. Then came BPRM, hosted by Malaysian Care alongside with MCKL Strategem, Sunway College, and CF Campus Revolution. It was a board game competition involving kids from the range of 4 to about 16, and the participants involved were the Myanmar Refugees coming from different refugee schools in different districts. It was awesome, getting to know some of them, especially the children, they have been such a blessing! I've met quite a number of them, some younger ones, some 12, but one with a remarkably beautiful name, Lovely; and there was this boy, who was so good at Monopoly Junior and all I could do was stare rather than be the referee or banker, but at the end of the game, he lost. His name was Ibazu, and it breaks my heart just a little watching him, loosing in something that he tries so hard to win and all I could do was give him a hug, and say "It's alright, it was just a game" and the moment when he smiled, it was the most amazing creation of God that none has seen(:

More to come, more to do, greater things that exalts His al-mighty name. I believe that, serving the Lord is a good thing to do as a Christian. In this life, we have been blessed with so many things and these are the times to give and bless others with what God has blessed you with. In serving, I see myself better than I thought I would, I see my flaws better and I thank God for that but most of all, I see God and His Majesty over the refugees, though they may be poor, they may seemed lost and sad, but God has His big big hands over their lives, because what matters the most is not where you are, or what you have, but who is there and that who, we know is God.

Blessed to be a blessing. Love.

We the Redeemed,

2011-11-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

Love, can surely wait, no?
Awesome day, nothing better than to start the day with God and end it with Him too, thanking him for today and everything that He has done. Had our very first gathering today, with only Wen Min, Kirsten, Suet Meng, Xin Chii and myself; It was a sudden plan and most of em' did not bring their bibles so we started off with testimonials! Inspiring and encouraging, the fact that sharing can make you relate and sometimes to even solve your own problems without having to say a word.
I've been struggling alot, to fit in with my fellow church and cell group mates. It has been quite a few month since I felt welcomed, ever since the day when I decided to stop going to church, my absence has proven of something normal to them. 6 months, and it was long enough to proclaim someone's death, or maybe less dramatic, away. No one called to ask, nor come by to say hello. &this I asked one of my fellow mate the other day, "What if you know that this friend of yours is backsliding, yet you as a Christian did not do anything about it, and what makes you think that you have proven yourself worthy?"
I haven't get my answer for that, yet. But as for myself, I would know where I stand.
off to study w an angry heart, :(

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. -Bette Midler

2011-11-06T07:39:00.000-08:00

and he said, "Annita, stop pushing people away."

The problem is, am I?

My hair is longer now, just like how I'd always wanted it to be.
Something about myself that none has seen or even believed that sometimes I would imagine myself dating this guy whom God has so presented me with. Someone who truly seeks the Lord's heart like how David did, and most of all someone who would stand as a leader, as a servant; Humble before the Lord's throne. But the future as how it seems, so uncertain and only God knows what will happen.
Whether if I ever manage to open my heart to love again, that is yet to be prayed for.

But now, far away from where I have once been, when love seemed so blunt and blind; I've learned that the only way to not be broken is to not believe that there ever is love. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about godly love, but love itself, the emotional monsiun kinda thing.

:)

A Million years ago,

2011-11-05T19:48:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.
Remember how yesterday came by? Remember those days when we were just mere teenagers, searching for the right place in this broken world? Remember how we used to say, "none can part us", well the fact is, everything did. I've learned that, life like how the bible has always described it as a shadow, a glimpse. People come in the most gracious way and they leave just like that.

Had supper at Williams after youth and sermon yesterday, I was quite surprised for the fact that he finally has His own standing ground, a shop! It was pretty good to see how some people can achieve somethings like these, especially for someone who started low. God is amazing, don't you think so? He throws tragedies and sufferings into you life, it's either your continue and persevere or fall away. But do know that you are His, and He is yours forever and always(: As for William, I don't know what he went through when he had that road side shop, but God was gracious enough to pull him through it, by opening doors for him, by bringing more customers into his place and though some of the police men whom are like the evil ones, they come to rob, to steal and to destroy, but he persevered. It breaks my heart how I used to see William's face when he sees the policemen coming with their sinister smiles. But this I know, God, He has a plan for each and everyone of us, though we may be persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2Cor4:9, because the Lord , He is just and able, for he knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us hope and future Jer29:11.

As I've said this before, I went for supper after church, then I came home late. & I started emoing for hours and hours, I decided to call up soniya, and I started crying like crazy. I was well, moaning as though someone stabbed me right through my heart and well, I blabered abit, like a drunko, but this I know, I can be real devastated and scary when I am all alone in the lonely room. It's been three years, and it's been long; and this year may all the sufferings end, by his will.
But this I pray every single day, that the Lord will grant me strength and perseverance to stay though it may hurt so badly, to be strong for Christ and to believe that He sustains me because this I know, I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done Psalm118:17.

off to church later, to decorate the tents! :) with love.

Whoooopsie,

2011-11-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

Re-read songs of songs, and love can be real amazing when you let God intercede into your relationship with your husband or wife.
Yesterday was quite a productive day, since I was sick and could barely move away from my beautiful toilet; So, I stayed on bed and sort of studied Biology but I couldn't get what the book was trying to say so I hopped off, clinging to that hope that I won't puke and headed for the gym. Praise God, cos' I was fit enough to work out! Had my quiet time at the gym, as I said I read through the Songs of Songs again and as usual, I pondered upon Songs of Songs 8:4, it says, Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. This surely means that love can wait, but above all this text is trying to encourage us all to let love flow as it so desires, to let it be as natural as possible.
Hmm, and as usual, I looked through my past of how God had changed me into a better person, and seriously thank you, because without you, I will not be the person who I am, now.
If you were to ask me a year ago, about some random guy, I'd blush madly and go crazy but now, I find no significance in it, any more. Somehow, like I'd always say, I don't believe in the significance of marriage, and I really don't.
Hmmm, time's running out and I shall blog more later. Bai.

I'd love you more than this,

2011-11-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hebrews13:5 I will never leave you nor forsake you.
&he never did.

It's weird how we always say that God is never there to watch as we cry or moan in pain, or how isolated we are, how alone we feel when trials and tribulation comes. Or, are we like seeds that fell on rocky ground, we receive the word of God with joy and hope, yet when sufferings or failures come along, we fall away. Do you perhaps know that "fear" was written all over the bible for about 365 times? God knows because He is not only al-knowing but because He is God, and that no one can ever change, that sufferings will come in the way, trials will break you and disappointments will kill you.

A year ago, I accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour, and so I thought I was saved. I thought it was going to be as easy as ABC, but I was wrong. I was like what Jesus had said in Matthews, a seed that fell on rocky ground, I was happy to receive or even listen as people preach about the word, but it never did sink into my heart, and so when trials and tribulation came in my way, I drifted away just like the wind. But God was beyond faithful, though many times I have fallen from the grace of God, He was always there to comfort me, to guide my way, to be the light in that darkness that I felt so surrounded by.
I've spent 6 months soul searching, I remembered throwing my bible and confessing in anger and tears that I wasn't going to fall for it any more. I even prayed a prayer for God to just leave, and with tears, I was so broken that it hurts to my bones. I said a prayer as this:-

Father God, I can't do it anymore. I can't have faith in you, when situations are as this. Let me go O Lord, and this is a goodbye, for real. Amen

&that was the last prayer that I've ever prayed, it was the last time before I left my bible to dust, it was the last that I heard His voice and in me I knew that I'd let the devil to win over this battle. I began to act like the world, talk like the world and think like the world. I was whom I was before I accepted Christ, I saw the change in myself, even my mother did too. I loathed myself for it and worst of all, I was more hopeless than I was before, and even broken than I'd been before.
Then I came to this college, and this I knew right before I stepped a foot into the building that God was telling me that I am Home. Hmmmm in the mid of college, I attended CF and began to pray again, and one day God prompted me to open my bible after so many months, and as I flipped through my bible, I stopped at Deut 4:29But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Maybe God knew, because everytime as I try to pray, as I try to read the bible, I would feel so discouraged, so down and then I'll stop half way and leave. &then there came Alpha camp, Peace Haven, the exact same place where I accepted Lord as Saviour, and this I knew, that I needed this. So I signed up without knowing who was actually going, and before that very day, I prayed that the Lord will reveal Himself unto me, that I would be as whom I was a year ago, in awe and all surrendered to the Lord.

During the camp, God did reveal Himself, His mercy and compassion. We watched the Passion of Christ, it made everyone cry and to tears we knew or for some remembered of His love, of how He died. We always thought that Christ died once and for all, that He loves us so, that He died, to break the distance between man and God. But we often neglect the fact that, God hates sin, but His love outraged hate, that He was willing to send His one and only son to die and carry our sins, that on that day when Jesus Christ hung upon the tree was neglected by His Father in Heaven, because of the sins of the world He was neglected. John 3:16 is not only a good and well-known verse but it carried so much pain, so much of grieve yet so much of love.
Remember the prayer I prayed before camp? Well, I did. I surrendered it all, like how I did a year ago. &on the last day, He said, "I am Here". As alone as I was before, of how neglected and isolated I felt, of how dry I was when I tried my very best to search Him, finally a still small voice that came like the calm breeze, came and said these three small words yet had such a great impact in my life.

To you who feels so alone, to you whom have backslided and filled with such great guilt, God loves you more than this, and being backslided isn't a shame, it's the beginning of guilt, of unworthiness, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

LOL,

2011-10-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

When you are bored of studying, you camwhore abit and then back to reality! :(

Last but not least,

tomorrow is going to be your last day here hunnybum, leaving for Sarawak at such a young age, I seriously wonder what was your mom thinking, but whoopiddooo all for a great good. Love you long time(:

Harlow,

2011-10-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

#2:53, I am officially done w chemistry.
Looking like a boss, but so freaking worn out I can fall asleep on the floor.
X.

2011-10-23T02:30:00.000-07:00

Amen.

Be lifted Higher,

2011-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Mom came back from Indonesia and things are back where she left a week ago. I am starting to eat homecooked food again, instead of maggie mee and some side dishes and no veggie at all since I have culinary skills, for the fact that I have no skills in cooking rice, I don't even think I can master something more complex than that. Studying has not been good for anyone I presume, especially when procrastination continues to persevere even in moments like these, this can be a prove that I am taking a 10 minutes off from the desk instead it's been 30 minutes since I've left the desk. I am feeling extremely bad for blogging at this current moment when chemistry is less than 24 hours away.
To me education has been such a bull and never once am I on the same track as it, a pungent smell of competitiveness and stress, I wonder if education was for anything other than self and power. Achievements are what the world seeks, those are what that makes the eyes blinks and the mouth gossips. I find education a track field of endless obstacles and people, fighting for that glorifying spot. Kids these days are having white hair at the mere 7 years old and by the time they reach adolescence they would look as though they are made for the old folks home. I don't get parents nor teachers or anyone, I don't get success, I find it tremendously insignificant rather something irrelevant that someone goes so crazy about and looses their mind all for it.

Nuff said, I hate ranting and complaining, it ruins my mood for the rest of the day!
Today must be a special day, someone special is leaving for Russia to accomplish something so big that God has in store for her. Medicine, wow, curing the sick and more of looking through the heart rather than the physical defects. Something that I'd love to do in the future, but I've always seen myself as someone who is dumb and stupid, incapable of something so big as to save a life, as being the hope of someone who's dying. I cannot imagine going through everything as such, I've always seen myself as somewhat of a small character, holding nothing big or attractive, gaining no attention to self. Blessed to be my mother, she has been such an encouragement, she will and always sees me as someone important in the future, though me argue a tons of times about things like these but she never looses her faith in me.
But in me, I may be small, I may think that I am small and stupid, but there is the God who is bigger than I, His sovereignty, no one can ever comprehend. I reach a state where everything happens, happens for the glory of God, and my life can seem nothing but a tool for him, not a self satisfying piece of art. My future is yet to be set, and though today may be the day that I decide to pursue medicine but tomorrow it may be different. But I know His plans for me, maybe time and patience may show, but I will wait patiently upon the time that He has given me.

I can feel it to my bones that this is what God wants for you Karen, His divine plan as been made perfect in your weaknesses. I believe in you and Our God, that you'll do good. Love you long time, w see you next year(:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."Joshua 1:9

Electricshock,

2011-10-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

Found this on stumbleupon.com; Love comic strips.

You say goodmorning when its midnight,

2011-10-21T19:11:00.000-07:00

Goodmorning to you, you, you and YOU! It had been a pleasant morning, had a rough 10 hours of sleep and the weather has been nothing but a comfort. Started studying Biology and I'm having this amazing enthusiasm to finish the whole of Unit 2 by today, possible? I guess so. Hmmm, I'll be away for Alpha Camp right after Trials if I am not wrong, it is going to be in PeaceHaven, and I am pretty excited about it. On the other hand, it is going to be a new thing for me, since I barely know everyone there, just a few. The reason why I signed up was that PeaceHaven was the place where I felt God and trusted Him, most importantly it was where I gave myself up for Him. The moments spent there were priceless and the encounters I've had can mainly last for a lifetime. As you can see, I've been struggling loads with my faith; Every time when I finally found that hope to stand again, there's always this something that pulls me down.
Things weren't great as how I wanted it to be, and it has come to a bad conclusion that, this is it, it is time for a change and move on. A few weeks ago, I have decided to go church hunting and find somewhere where I belong. I've found one, just near the Taman Jaya LRT station, not so convenient, but just as where I want to be. I don't find it good to hate a church yet forcing myself to go for it because the whole purpose of going to church on any other Saturdays would be very wrong.
People may say that I should spend more time on my decisions, that I shouldn't act upon my emotions, but my mother was right, infact she has always been right. Though she's a catholic, but she does not seem to have anything with me going to a Protestant church, but in her point of view, she has never seen me happy, especially when it comes to going to church and coming back from it. I would either cry and drown myself with tears or I would go bonkus over the little things. I see it in myself, yet I'll always hide the fact that I hate it because the church is the dwelling place of God, and so to say, hating the church and God's people does not make you any of a good follower.
In order to stop myself from sinning and hating God's temple and His people, I shall leave and find myself a place where I can focus more on His love. I'll always believe that, when someone causes you to sin, it's either you stay far away from them or continue to sin and doubt your faith. I have been in the second option too many times to ever do it again, and so this time I have made my decision to go on with the first option, to stay away as far as possible.
It's not going to be hard but I believe it's going to be painful, since I've become so attached to some of them there yet my absence play no significance in their emotion, so I'd rather not portray what is going on in my heart.

&sometimes, we do things to stop ourselves from hurting, even the most silliest things ever and even to throw away something that we love most; Because love can be so beautiful but pain somehow seem so unappetizing.

Jet Lag,

2011-10-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

Just thought I blog a little bit before I go on studying Chemistry, life has been great; A little pocket full of sunshine and a bag filled with thoughts and worries, ready to hit the run. College has been great, food outings, food, food and more food for everyone. It's fortunate to not gain any weight after all those eating! Just got down from the phone w an old friend, it's funny how I used to call her someone as a bestfriend but now, everything changed and we've become somewhat an old friend, catching up within a 30 minute duration and fell silent after just 25 minutes of talking. I can feel it to my bones and down my spine, I can bet you with all my heart that we're distant now, I hardly see any of my old friends, it seemed like I have totally forgotten and letting go of all my past. It's painful holding everything within you and not having a chance to pour it out. Maybe that is why I hardly think about anything dealing with the people from the past, I find to significance in occupying my brain capacity on these people.
I have been fine, the flue's gone but a little bit emotional after that phone call, it seemed as though I should have never called at all. Now this is killing me badly, it's cutting me from within that we were once so close yet so far away now.

I am learning to breath every second, this needle keeps piercing through my heart, it hurts to speak. Oh well lesson learned, people come and people go, but they just leave in the most momentarily silent way yet it's deadly to even think about it.
Life's good, just great, just as how it has always been, silent.

Overload,

2011-10-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

19th of October, tummy overloaded with Sushi and Green Tea, good companies, awesome place but a manager who really needs to go for some sort of anger management class, and goofy pictures taken, life's good and there are so much to thank God for that day, I am a tidbit overwhelmed.
Hmm papers had been fine, but it wasn't as good as how you think it should me, I am on the verge of crying for my Physics and Math paper, ever since dino years I've been struggling to get through physics like a G6 but never managed to and since I've stupidly signed up for the Physics Edexcel examination, I can die now. Hmmm, I am going to sit for my Physics paper 2 tomorrow and I am pretty worried about it, I don't want to fail physics or any other subjects, I just don't want to feel or be dumb and disappoint my mom and get all worried for Edexcel.
Hmmm, on the other hand, life's been good; Mom has been away for almost 4 days now, and I'm missing her like crazy already. House is in such a great mess, laundry undone, the toilet looks pretty dirty, guess I have to do some cleaning later.

one lesson learned, guard your heart and never wear your heart on your sleeves.

“If you are not passionate about your relationship with Jesus, If you are not passionate about worshiping Him, It’s because… You don’t know yet, How much He loves You.”

—	Kim Walker-Smith

A sky full of lighters,

2011-10-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

Mom left today, I was too sleepy to understand the whole "I am leaving now and only coming back this coming Saturday morning" emotions, only then the loneliness and silence in these walls starts to creep me out, I am definitely alone here, but it feels a slight bit more solitude when it comes to an understatement that mom's only coming back this Saturday. I made my meal, ate alone, watched the teveee alone, it's been such a quiet day I can't seem to handle the silence. I did a tid bit of physics this morning, finished the whole first unit without noticing it, hmmm, it must be a good thing? I am beginning to worry about physics, there's no turning back because I've already signed up for the Edexcel Exam, only one thing I need, God's grace.
Will be having college tomorrow though Trials would be the day after next but I am still gonna go for college cos' I got some doubts I need to get rid off.

Off to study

The pretty Things,

2011-10-15T04:56:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, had a great day with Mom today. Before she leaves for Indonesia and spend almost the whole week there, shall spend some quality time with her before I miss her so badly. A friend is coming to sleepover during that period of her absence and she's going to be the head chef for the whole week, since I'll be having my Trial Exam, I won't have the time to actually cook something in the kitchen, so that leaves me to no choice but to hire her;D Shall study in awhile time, but before that hmmmm, shall blog about something so wonderful and amazing, that I can just stand here and be amazed.

Dry as I am before, empty as I came; I questioned the King of all Kings, I questioned his presence and power. I spent countless week looking for God in that secret place instead I found myself miserable, swam with grief and drowned in destruction. But God revealed to the ways of my life through this very verse,

Deuteronomy 4:29

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

²⁹But if you look for the Lord your God when you are among those nations, you will find him whenever you search for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

and I was sure that all my doubts and questions come to a full stop, it came to an end and here comes trust and hope. I seeked him, yet did not find Him, because my heart wasn't in the right motion, it wasn't tuned to His. I used to struggle to understand His will, it made no sense, long story short, His plan wasn't part of mine, and neither was mine, His. I seeked for a pleasing life, something laid back with none to struggle with, but everything that was happening then and now, was nothing of what I wanted or imagined. But here comes something to realize about, happiness is nothing when it comes to God's blessing.

Hmmmmm, nanananananannana gonna study now!

Sunshine,

2011-10-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

I may be inlove, I may be not; But I know, I'll never be till I witness His eternal and amazing love. At this current moment where I am in, I find no significance and relevance in pursuing such a brief and painful thing. I find my joy in God and Him alone, for His grace is enough for me, and His love is all that I'll ever need. I come to a point where God's love matters the most and not others.
I started the day reading Psalms 106:1-48;
It's beautiful somehow to start the day by acknowledging God and by asking for His strength and guidance in everything that we do. Having a portable bible and a function able one in my phone becomes extremely important, it makes travelling and reading the Word in the LRT easier.

Life's been a bliss except for a couple of things troubling my mind and serenity, I'll be having Trials next week, so soon, don't you think so? I haven't really completed much except for Chemistry and half of Bio while there are yet more to do with Mathematics. Sometimes, we often tell ourselves this, "so many things yet so little time", it's true but by God's grace, everything is possible and manageable! Secondly, there's this girl that has been annoying me ever since, with truckloads of crushes that she has and by the rate that she's going, I am not sure if she's able to focus on her studies. I don't wanna have anything to do with her and especially one of her crushes, I don't want to get into any of these melodramas.
Hmmm, a heart can only control these much and well I pray each day that God would just intervene, I am not sure if I have taken the right step and move; I just want to get over with this and its feelings, it's not right and good for myself.

And here says this tiny voice in my soul, "Love can wait..."
Hmmmmm

So sick,

2011-10-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of life, so tired of doing all these stupid stuffs; Long story short, I am sick of college. 3 months down, and I've been dragging my butt off every morning, forcing myself to take the public transport to college. Its fascinating to hear how excited some people are for college, hmmm define excited, please? Trials been such a pain in the ass, I've been bumming alot, though I've managed to do a tid bit of studying but it wasn't enough to cover up that enormous guilt growing inside of me, feeding on my joy and happiness, like a parasite.
Hmmm, as I have mentioned, I had my biggie day last Saturday! I was asked to be the MC for Kinderland Ara Damansara and Putra Height's Annual concert, and it sort of went quite well, I think. But it was great, the performances and such especially the graduation song sang by the graduates which was really touchy. Great, great daaaay!

Will upload the pics soon!

To love and to be loved, is it a choice?

2011-10-07T09:57:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, to the power of infinity.

Hilarious picture on tumblr, some bright thing to cheer me up after a long session of chemistry! I am done with Unit 1 already and Unit 2, well other than the other 2 which I'd rather wait for Ms. Ng to teach us, some sort of reasons, I am so tired(: But God is good, He sustained me throughout the whole week, days of being sleep deprived but having to gain that sort of energy from above, and somehow, managed to absorb during every lectures, God's Good All the TIME.

Hmm it's almost one, am going to finish up some chapters and hit the sack, big day tomorrow, needs plenty of rest! Will tell more about the biggie day tomorrow, (:

A simple hum,

2011-10-07T02:31:00.000-07:00

It seemed like as though I made a visit unto my past, something so sinful yet irresistible. You made things seem to real, you made it seem so pure, you made me fall into your deepest and darkest hole; I stumble upon your name, I tripped and fell head over heels. You made things matter so much, yet nothing was relevant to you at all. You were indeed playing tricks and magic when all along you knew that I was sincere. Sometimes, I wonder, if sorry was a sorry after all. and I had wonder, why had I decided to add you back, and befriend you again.

Bummer,

2011-10-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Found this on facebook.
Dimples, *pokespokespokespokes, chubby wubby ohsoooo cute(:
Life's great, Trials are within the countable range, frustrated, but God's been Good.

With hearts as one,

2011-10-02T05:31:00.000-07:00

And now the weak say I have strength
By the spirit of power that raised Christ from the dead
And now the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed
Let now our hearts burn with a flame
A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name
And with the heavens we declare
You are our king

Hello there, with so many things to say but so little time to spare, I shall brief about the days that has come to pass ever so quickly and sometimes you just want to grab something still, something everlasting, something that never decays upon time. Life here has always been brief, and with a blink of an eye I am almost a week away from Trials, and it has been 4 months since I've started college. Though I started not liking it, but I grew to love it, with Christian Fellowship and the people you meet there, the testimonies you hear, and there's this feeling that grows inside of you, saying " You are here, where you're suppose to be". I've always pictured myself being among the Form Sixes, doing STPM and enrol into a local U. But God has a different plan for me, Jer29" I have plans that prospers you..."

Had a long conversation over the phone w a friend yesterday, about life for the past few weeks, about God and everything. Though it only lasted for an hour but there were so many things to think about, to ponder into deep thoughts and somehow, doze off into a quiet dream. I come to a realization that God would never stop putting me into this test until I finally learn that lesson, a lesson that I failed almost every single time, something that has forced me on my knees and to tears, hate God.
But there are more to thank for, there are more than this, there more than pain and sufferings and all these while I've focussing too much of how the world has been so unfair towards myself, that I've forgotten about everything God has wanted me to be.

Today, I've come to realize that I am more than blessed to be alive and to be here among his presence just to worship him each day. Jesus, thank youu(:

Deeper and Harder, How broken are you?

2011-09-27T09:57:00.000-07:00

"In the past four years, I have seen divorce, heartbreak, illness, financial and general insecurity. I have hated the person on the flip-side of the mirror for creating such misery within me while loving the instruments of my torture. I have enjoyed pain and rejected joy. I have been broken and I have been built up."
"To Him I throw off my hauntings, terrors, and failures. I know that God will bring me through anything in this life, and fortunately, I have been able to observe His glory through heartbreak, illness, financial struggle, and whatever else life has thrown at me. In the past two years, I have had the opportunity to change, to become a new creation in Jesus Christ, my Lord, Savior, Rescuer, Redeemer. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him, everything."Read More.

At this current hour, I am amazed at how real God is in her life. To compare, perhaps she has suffered more than I do, but perhaps brokenness is not the main thing in this story line, in each sentence, as you read further into the story of this Woman of God, she magnified His glory through every seasons of life, through pain, joy and sufferings. &she's a woman to be praised, to be looked upon; This is as much as I can say an encouragement, a beautiful encouragement.

These Words,

2011-09-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

^4-6In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.
^6-8If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.
^9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.
^11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.
^14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.
^17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."
^20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good. Roman12:4-21

As I was playing with my recently downloaded portable Bible, The Message; I stumbled upon this particular verse in Paul's letter and it very much amazed me of how God heard my prayers and of how He answered those doubtful questions in my heart. I have been struggling with pride, for quite sometime and I have been a well known stereotypic teenager for all my life, I sort of got so sick of it; I asked God to take it away. As a Christian, I stuggled alot, especially when it comes to persevering and be still before God, because I am used to worrying about everything, and searching for solutions in every problem, I sort of got carried away by all those downfalls, yet I've totally forgotten about everything what God was trying to tell me. Hmmmm.. *sinkintodeepthoughts

Here goes,

2011-09-25T00:18:00.000-07:00

'Cause You came near
From the everlasting
To the world we live
The Father's only Son
Hillsong - For All You've Done

Three things I'd love to do next week;

Call the person incharged of Little Lamb Ministry and be a volunteer, nothing is better than occupying those extra times serving God, His Church and His People.
Get a pretty black dress, and a dozens of makeup tools, getting prepared for speech and be MC of the Day for my beloved Kinderland's Annual Concert and Graduation.
Learn something new, take a challenge and magnify God in everything.

Ps:// I've decided to sign up for the Youth Alpha Retreat in College, (:
Life can be a real charm to stand back and watch what God has completely done, to be thankful and grateful for every sufferings and blessings.

Cos' you came near, from the everlasting

2011-09-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jeremiah 31:3

Like past lovers, strotting down the street and somehow, we're inlove again,

2011-09-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

Proverbs4:23 Guard your heart for it is a wellspring of life,
As easily as we fall in love, as easily as we give our hearts away; I prayed to God each day, to take this burden away, the burden of love. I find myself falling head over heels again, and this time, like any other times, it's you again. Sometimes, I wonder if it were to be better if we never did reconcile, whether if my plan on writing you that letter would be something wise to do because this I know, I have never moved on, somehow, you were the best among all, and you were the only exception towards my limitation. I pray to God each day that we'll never ever meet again, like you'll always say, "I'll see you when I see you", somehow I have the urge to say why not? But instead, I drew lines towards my own freedom, and said "you too". Sometimes, I wished you would just remove that "like" on my facebook profile picture, sometimes, I wished I never did add you back on facebook.
But it wouldn't be fair for either of us to carry this burden in our hearts, I don't know about you, but that was for me. To tell myself that it was all finally over, and we could still be friends again, but maybe what I had experienced and been through would made me react otherwise. I am fighting against my heart's desires, because the heart is deceitful, the mind is easily influenced, and therefore, I shall only act and believe on every word of His truth. But one day, God told me this, that if he is for me, he will be. But deep down I know, he never ever will be, even as the ocean roars or the thunder stirkes, nothing can seperate what God has in store for me, the greater things.

I'd liked you, and I'd love to do it again, but the peast has been long over, and we're done, I am done.

Odd balls,

2011-09-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

I had enough of crying and swollen eyes; I am going to stand up for Christ and stop moaning and complaining of how unfair the world has come to treat me. Be it, I am going to be hyper/ joyful, all due to one testimony this girl shared during CF, and to me it was powerful. God told her this, "Why are you crying over such petty things, stop crying and start smiling, stand back and focus on everything of what I have made for you"; It made me realize of how much I've really cried, calling up my besties and just started crying and moaning in pain, but I really was. What she said sort of ringed a bell in me, it made me realize of how pathetic I was, of how I wasn't really relying on God to do the rest, and expected Him to do something. The words that she shared sort of related to, "Joy in suffering". Hmm, come to think of it, there are more joy than sufferings, more happiness than sadness, more to life has to offer in eternity; and I began to understand the picture and everything of what God has in store for me.
Last week, I was deeply depressed; As what I said, I cried a thousand rivers, but none can sustain this broken heart of mine. But this friend of mine whom was such a blessing at times like these, she said " The Satan might have robbed away your happiness and peace, but this is not your battle, it's God's" For the world as you can see has so much of cruelty in it, that none can comprehend, you see single mothers battling with financial problems, you see people crying and calling after God, you see young men getting addicted to drugs and alcohols, you see homeless people and orphans, such sad things existed because the Satan has won against mens' hearts, and it was sad to say that we, fall into temptation as swiftly as anything else can be.
The moments when you just cry and cry and cry, you weep and scream out of pain because it was too much to handle, that none can bear and you beg death to take away this breathe of life from you, you urged him, you did. But God stared down at you, and cried with you, because He loves you, He came from eternity to live and suffered like a man. Because He is love and He doesn't love us, because we're such easy things to love, but because He is God.

What are words?

2011-09-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

CF, MYS, SNOWFLAKES, IELTS; Life's being fair at this current moment.

This is a heartbreak,

2011-09-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

The first time I've ever tasted lost was when my father decided to sell off our very first car, it was indeed heartbreaking because it was one of my favorite cars that I have ever had. I remembered having to used powder to draw and dirty the car, but I was so young and naive, I did not know that those powder can be easily removed by a splash of water. The second time was loosing my grandmother, it was devastating cos' I rememebered not having to eat and just feeding myself with such great grief and anger. The third time was loosing my uncle, I did not cry because I chose to avoid his funeral, I chose to miss that last chance of seeing his face, and I know that I'll never get to see that bright smile, ever again. The last time I've experienced lost was when I was Form 4, I lost the dearest person in my life, my father. We're so distant now, we barely talk or ever sit on the same table. I witnessed my own fall, as I spent coutless nights crying and screaming cos' it was so painful, it was the most unbearable thing that I have ever been through. and I remembered begging God to take my life, even now, I am hoping that it would be the end of my life, here. They said, stop crying, it's worthless. But, you don't get nothing; It was the feeling of loosing that very piece of your heart, and that very piece mattered so much that it hurt to watch as it left.
No one understands, all they can say was, "Annita, leave it to God", "Annita, God is able". I do believe that our God is able, I do believe that he is mighty, but this is know; He was mighty enough to take it away, to see how much I cried, how much I wanted to die, He above all was powerful enough to take it away, but he let it be. Instead, He let the devil, steal and take away every ounce of that happiness left in me.

I may seem like a hypocrite, worshiping and leading worship today, yet talked about how bad God really is. But if God doesn't exist, or if I chose to let myself go again, it would definitely be the last of me.

All my windows still are broken,

2011-09-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

What can be worst than failing physics, nothing at the current moment; Nothing that I can seem to think of. This sends chills down my spine, knowing that failing a subject is as heartbreaking as loosing that single piece of your heart. This may probably be a boost to study harder than I did before, but it may also be a discouragement towards that particular subject; Since I am a failure, I find no point in taking a subject that I loath since Form 4, I seriously wonder what did Reuben do to persue me up to this point, seriously, he sure got some charm in it. Ahhh-wttheck, there are no reasons to cry over spilt milk, since apparently I spent halve the day before the test sleeping, so I find no point in crying and complaining over something that I put no effort upon.
Life has been, sad, other than the fact that I failed my physics paper, college has been nothing but a psychotic serial killer; I think the two weeks of holidays has given me no benefit, I need a break, another week or so? I dont know but everyday seems like a battle especially in the morning, w the clothes in the room. Struggling on what to wear or so, man, can't I have 1000000 presentable baggy clothes rather than w holes and stains on em'? It'll sure make my life a tiny bit easier, you know?
But something sure did brighten up my day today(: Starving and working out in the gym has been nothing but a goood plan, a decrease in the input energy and an increase in the output energy equals to weight loss. I managed to fit into my old jeans, but gahhhhhhhhh freaking muffin tops has to freaking appear for no apparent reason. This signifies, myself trying to force something to fit on me so badly to prove how much of weight I've lost, LOL, failed.

So many thousands of feet off the ground,

2011-09-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

These are the two things that I am determined to do,

beg mom to get me a superbly cute and small car, practice on my driving and parking, then go church hunting.
After 18months of bittersweet, I will beg mom to send me to Indonesia which is partly my second home, study Medicine in Bandung's Med U, and live w my uncle.

People always say, there're always reasons to every decisions and the very reason that is ever logical to these actions is that, I am heartbroken. I have a dear friend whom once told me the law of treating another Christian. Since we're Christians, everything we do affects everybody around us, but the most affected individuals would be the Christians themselves. Today, as I stand jaw-wide and heartthrobing out of madness, I cannot believe that these people whom I ohsotrust would break this heart that has already been broken. If assumptions are to be lethal, I had been dead by now. For the past few weeks, I wasn't informed w any cell group meetings and outings. &guess what would be their up most question due to my very absence on every meetings, "Didn't you know?". Well I would fucking know it, if you were to have that initiative to even tell me rather than myself, asking everybody around me whether if there is a meeting. Much to my disappointment, they rather seem ignorance towards my behaviour which had been quite obviously saying that "I AM MAD THAT YOU DID NOT TELL ME". Nonetheless, leaving me w hatred and anger, having to get a lift back home and yell and yell, I've wasted much tears for this. &this I wonder, why does everyone whom I tend to love, always hurt me so badly and deeply for the fact, I blame myself for being ugly and fat which intends to mean, I am unacceptable.

You couldn't see how heartbroken I was because you were too oblivient and ignorant to notice everything that is happening right here, in there; It's tearing apart before you, and while I cry and fall on my knees and tend to grumble, you thought that it was just yet another monthly check ins, or just another moodswing. Well it's fucking not, thanks for having the alternatives. Bye for good.

Beautiful Exchange

2011-09-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

Lord, Qualifiers are tomorrow; Help me as you lead me and grant me wisdom, O Dear Lord.

2011-09-07T05:37:00.001-07:00

"Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy” (1 Peter 1:8, NIV)

Hello?

2011-09-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

3 amazing women that I've been luckily enough to come across with in my life, and one of them is you; Stephanie Thong. A woman with a powerful testimony and a blessing from God. Truly men has broken your heart and everything else seems to worry you so badly, but the Lord, He is just and good. He breaks you so mightily such that you'll be used so powerfully in his kingdom. One day, I'll see you rise up from all that heartaches and truly become a faithful woman of God. You've been a great deal of inspiration in my life, though you may not handle bad situations as how a rational woman would do, but human make mistakes and children of God are not exempted from it.
For you are pretty but somehow you do not see it, maybe you've been so blinded by how the materialistic world presents itself to you. But you were fearful and wonderful made by God, and all that matters the most is, you are beautiful in God's eyes.

Love was what broke you apart, rip your heart wide open and spits at you. But that wasn't love, because the love that you and I both know, was mocked, insulted, led a humble life and carried the cross that he in turn was hung upon. Love, did not only die for you, but carried the weight the world, your burden and sin, your sufferings and pain, His grace is sufficient for you, his love sustains you, and if he ate with poor and the unworthy, what makes you think that he doesn't love you?

Jesus loves you more than the world, his love is this BIG, this LONG and this WIDE.

2011-09-05T05:03:00.001-07:00

Hello, I love physics, don;t you? :/

Strength will rise,

2011-09-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 MSG

My heart knows him well,

2011-09-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Spent the night watching You Again, such a gooood movieeee(: Enjoyed every parts of it, couldn't stop laughing like a retard, HOHOHOHO;)

2011-09-04T04:54:00.001-07:00

Anonymous: What's your opinion on crushes? It doesn't last long right? *sigh* Do you think is it okay if you're friends with a guy and after hanging out with him, you decided to not be friends with him because fear of falling for him? Does that make me a horrible person? Is it a bad thing if you fall for him right after you met him?
Crushes can be harmless, but they can also end up with you being crushed depending on how hard you’re crushin’ in the first place. Either way, they can be fun to have while they last, because who wouldn’t give for a few butterflies in their stomach? I know I wouldn’t. But personally, I try not to take my crushes all that seriously, only because I tend to fall very easily, so sometimes it is better to keep somewhat of a distance between you and that person. But I don’t think you should stop being friends with that person completely unless maybe it hurts more to be friends than not. Because you could be missing out on a lot, on the possibility of it growing into an awesome friendship (if you can eventually move past your crush) or maybe even something more (if he ends up reciprocating). Things like this are always a risk, but sometimes it’s a risk worth taking.

Very well said.

Try to take a picture of love,

2011-09-04T01:23:00.000-07:00

2011-09-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

Lifeline by Brooke Fraser.
She's an inspiration!
ps:// it doesn't mean you have a tongue piercing, you can't worship the Holy one. (:*

Soon and very Soon,

2011-09-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

Though I have not seen Him
My heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the Lamb
The Lord of Heaven
Soon and very soon by Brooke Fraser

You know that I'd always kept you right here, in the place where you'd bee good enough to stay for a little while. You'd always be the best among the best and the worst among the worst. Though we're in seperate parts of the universe, you being far away and unseen, while only fragments of you laid across the seenable but untouchable, I wish you the best of life. I bit you goodbye, those times when I thought I was finally admired, and loved. I'm finally letting go, and I know that this will always be true, that I was once loved and beloved; But if I had ever meet someone like you, though it may have seen impossile, I had like to repeat those shameful mistakes again. Because you were worth the love but everything was invain. &I thank God for those 2 months, that he had opened my eyes to see and witness what it feels like to be let down and dissapointed. But I am happy and I know that you'll be, bye love.

with flowers in my hair,

2011-09-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

HAIII*:)
Currently, in a war with self. Thinking whether to study and burn the midnight oil, or the hit the sack, decisions, waii you so stubborn?

Amazing love,

2011-09-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

Watch, look and observe these pictures. What d' you see?
I'll tell you what I see, I see poverty, I see sufferings, I see pain, I see tears and most of all I see longing, longing for a miracle, hoping against all odds and, I see Faith.
These are the kids from Burma and Nigeria, can you see that Nigerian boy, see his sweater, see how torn it has become. Can you see that Burma boy, see his desires and his cries.
They above all have nothing to loose, mainly orphanes and as earthly as I can describe this, they are poor to their knees and their futures are undetermined. But remember, God said this "For you are in this world but not of this world". In the kingdom of God they shall be lifted up, and in the kingdom of God, they are loved. " The first will be the last, and the last will be first".

36 I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.38 And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' 43 I was homeless and you gave me no bed, I was shivering and you gave me no clothes, Sick and in prison, and you never visited.' 44 "Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?' Matthew 25:36,38,44-43

Meetups,

2011-09-02T05:12:00.000-07:00

tomorrow, windowshopping with Mommy G, before she leaves me one week mom-less.
dinner w bestfriend, Stephyy and Yee Jinnnn, loveX; Ps:// and every single day I ask myself, is it Monday already?
Gymmm was great, 33 minutes on the bicycle and an hour in RPM; Life's GOOOD to know that such thing, gym exist for people like me(:
I am so sick of studying, I am so tired of studying the the two days test. It's just a test, OMEEEG? But I am so kiasuuuu, I burn the midnight oil everysingle daaaay, so I won't have to throw my face down the river and flush my test papers down the toilet bowl.
Craving for foooood now, when temptations starts heating in and the aroma of food acting like a catalyst on my grumpy tummy, I SHALL NOT SURRENDER!
Current read, Time Traveler's Wife; Goood book.
I waaaaaaaaaaaaana sleep but due to the reason stated in number 4, I shall not :(

Lifesupport, loyal/ faithful friend; Stephanie Thong, Mother Thong, you're truly a blessing from God, love(:

"When we consider the blessings of God—the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even Suffering - Friendship is very near the top."

—Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth

We sing Hossana, Hossana, Hosanna in the highest,

2011-09-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

I had really really like you, in this case, not like like you just like you, and eversince I don't know when, I changed my mind and well here says, "William, you won the bet"
I've been working alot lately, and according tho the scale, I am 6 kgs lighter than before; All thanks to starving and an excessive obessesion over the gym, thanks to who? Myself and my self-consious.
I am sort of ready for the upcoming test, Biology, sort of, Chemistry, I am not sure but Physics and really kill me. Mathematics, God I have such a high expectation for maths, I dont know what to do, I am afraid I might fail:( BADDD.
I love to learn the acoustic, but I need those green papers cos' mummy said "own leisures, own cash" -.- I wanna go Bentley and get the cheapest guitar ever, start practicing and well play by the street side, singing Hosanna Hosanna in the Highest(:
"the only F word you can say in church is *waitingfortheFword, FAAAAITH FAAAITH" *slamsandthougtstoself. By a nigerian preacher, ain't that such a good thing to hear?

Late night,

2011-09-01T10:27:00.001-07:00

Amen.

Hello September *:),

2011-09-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

pretty (:
and you looked good, today(:

I don't care a thing about what chuuu say,

2011-09-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

&cos' I love you guys this much, I don't care how I look like(:

Biology and..

Kilometer pen,
I am ready! HO :O

Come to Jesus by Planetshaker #nowplaying

2011-09-01T02:04:00.000-07:00

Just look into his eyes
And see the loving grace of God
Come to Jesus - Planetshaker

Sometimes, you need such situations to see that, all these while you thought that you were strong, you thought that you were happy and comfortable; But those were just the lies that you put into your heads, and sometimes, you need such time to see how hopeless, how nothingless, how helpless you are without a savior. I can tell you that I had the toughest 6 months of my life, because I completely denied his presence and his majesty. I watched and witnessed my very fall, everynight of endless screaming and crying, and let God be the witness, an attempt to suicide. I took a time to see, and watch myself self-destruct before my own eyes, and to see of how much I needed a savior. But to be frank with you, I would have taken my own life on that very day, as I watch myself, holding that piece of knife, I thought to myself, that this would be the end. But God, he was all-presence and thank you Jesus that I am alive now, no matter what kind of situations that I might face, but I am strong because God is within me.

I held on to this verse very close to my heart, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."Matthew 11:28. I told myself that I was tired, I was so tired of facing dissapointments almost every single day of my life. &for christ sake, I am 17 and do you think that it's fair that I suffer like this? Whereas everyone around are enjoying the heck out of their lives. I hated God, I was angry; But in the meantime God made me realize, as how hopeless I am now, I'll be even without Him.

^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
2Cor12:7-10 MSG

All Time Low - Remembering Sunday #nowplaying

2011-08-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13

Today, I am alove again

2011-08-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

Hello, bang bangg; I got them bangs *:)

While whatsapping XianJinnn and Nishant, I webcamwhore; Girls, we multitask :p

The "waii you so sexyy face"

Last and formost, JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN NEETHING ELSE!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me
2 Corinthians 12:9verse of the day.

High Jump, Spikes, Hit, Ons

2011-08-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Age 20: run a marathon
Age 23: Mountain bike.

Now, loose weight and get back to vball.

Pre-Merdeka Post

2011-08-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

We're 4 minutes away from Merdeka. Back when people used to live on pain and lost, when our hearts were scattered by the foreign enemies. The glorious moments when heroes came and redeem this country for the sake of everyone, and somewhat logical. Happy Merdeka Day, Malaysia:)

All over again,

2011-08-30T03:52:00.000-07:00

This is soooo good, I have been listening to it for quite a while *smiles.

This reminded me of something in the past, when I thought and somehow I assume that I experienced love, but part of it was all just an illusian; But this I can't deny that somehow it still matters. Someone once told me, "to forget about another person, is to like someone else". I did, I forced myself to actually, literally like someone else and I was fool to myself. What's pathetic is not being rejected, but lying to self and denying the fact that it really happened and inside it still does.
What he said made me looked at myself and wonder, I was obviously devastated; But it would make no sense to continue on and love in vain. Perhaps after almost a year, I can tell you that I've moved on, but something special remains.

Sadly, after all these times, I still do. Apparently, I do.

Even angel cries,

2011-08-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

Taken during CF camp, 2010; PeaceHaven.
Beautiful place, glorious food, great people, and most of all our amazing God.
3 days and 2 nights of solitude, abandoning the comfort of our home, and focusing on one thing alone, God.
Theme: Focus on Christ.
Thank you Jesus.

Bedazzle me wazzle,

2011-08-28T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not coming back, I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak but you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair

And out of my mind, keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now, I'm at home in the clouds
Towering over your head
- Remembering Sunday by All Time Low

and God place amazing people in your life, even kids may seem perfect in his plans. My pillar of strength during the toughest 6 months of my life. I denied his presence and I was left with nothing but hopes on these beautiful kids, they were God's blessings to me.

Herald: Teacher Annita, are you sick?
Me: No, I am strong and healthy *showsmuscle
Herald: Well you should ________
Me: What?
Herald: *whispers, you should thank God for that.

Elisa: My mommy say it's good to play under the rain.
Me: Why? You'll catch a cold.
Elisa: Because the rain is like God's Holy water.

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

Kaleidascope hearts,

2011-08-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

Stressed, :(

You lay it all upon the cross,

2011-08-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

So let your name be lifted higher,
be lifted higher,
be lifted higher,
- Stonger by Hillsong

Holidays are in and I am up for nothing at the current moment, other than to date ze books, I don't find anything more significant to do. Everyone's on holiday, either in Port Dickson, Bali, or somewhere back at their hometowns.
Life's been a blessing, needless to say I am finally where I am suppose to be. I've spent 3 years and 6 months, soul searching, treasure hunting, and finally I come to a point where I am fully satisfied with where I am, though life may get slightly tougher than before, but I'll pull through cos' I have my superhero with me:) I'm going to get a Kelisa later next year, and I am quite excited having to have a car all for myself and finally to make use of my driving liscence! I'm going to switch church soon, pretty upset with the current church I am in, so I find it pointless to bump at home and skip church for such an apparent reason. But decisions are yet to be made, and things might change but who knows what will happen next.

Painted my nails neon orange and pink/purple, shooo pretty :)

Mmmmmhmmmm, raya biscuits :9

&in three months time, you'll be forgotten,

Long ago,

2011-08-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

How much we sometimes we miss moments as such, well we almost promised things without having to think about the future, as long as there was us. But things changed throughout the whole journey of life, friendships were tested, broken and refined. High school was the bond that we shared, and when it was over, we walked our own seperate ways, pursuing our own seperate dreams, and sometimes the sligtest thing in life triggers of how close we once were. I truly missed this, I missed talking about guys in church and having to tease one another with our crushes. How much we used to sat at the same table, just the 5 of us, talking and sharing; We hoped to continue on this journey together, we prayed to God that he will keep us close and intact, but life has always been a mystery. We moved on and we say our goodbyes, but when fate brings us all back together again, we know that there'd been changes, yet no one knows.

But the past has always been the most beautiful thing to look upon, sometimes you see the changes in yourself; and sometimes you're thankful to be alive. Through this journey of life, I have gone through the toughest moments, I have been tested and fell on my knees. I spent 6 months trying to find out who I was and I tasted hopelessness, brokenness and pain. But God, he is just, among the ugliness he made something shine in my life, and everytime as I look back on those nostalgic moments, my times in Kinderland, DUMC and highschool, these were the things that has kept me strong through out everything. & this I know, I am blessed to be alive again :)

Stargazzzers,

2011-08-26T03:08:00.000-07:00

Terrified by Katherine Mcphee, brings truckloads of memories arriving from 2010. First was someone whom I thought meant something to me instead, it was nothing at all. Then came bucketloads of camps starting with CF camp where I met this amazing guy, take a guess, then Muafakat Camp where I became an owl, taking care of my precious owlets:) and finally, The Girl Guide's Annual camp, where I made beautifull peacock t-shirts. Life's been just a passer-by, the clock's ticking and many moments were made to last. Oh and there comes Volleyball, spent countless hours on practising, and spiking, bruises and pains but it was all worthwhile:)
But afterall those smiles, tears and heartbreaks, I've learned something afterall; I've learned to guard my heart and mostly I've learned to love and forgive. God took me under his wings, and I was transformed. He moulds and refines, and I was blessed to go through the whole bittersweet process. *:)

&if our God is for us then who could ever stop us,

2011-08-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I am drowned in my own perspevctive of the world; At the age of 7 I started to see and hear of how the world looks at me. I began to cry every single night and there were times when I would just stop going to school cos' the pressure I felt by so many people around me, at the age of 8 onwards, you call those who mocked me and insulted me as childish but they were right. For all my life I have been such a shame towards myself, I tried every single thing to be who I wanted myself to be, but everytime I would fail. In 2009 I got what I wanted, and I could remember going to a shop without having to worry about the sizes, and it felt good cos' for once in my life I was accepted. God he takes and gives away, he knew that I took it all above him, and I drew myself into temptations. Beginning of the year, I went back to what I was before, I stopped looking at the mirror because of how disgusting I look, and even looking at my own reflections could kill.
I started starving myself, which many years ago I vowed not to do so. I lost 5 kgs just in 2 weeks and it felt good, I thought I was on my way to what I ever wanted. But, I was wrong, I ruined my life, my body and my mind. I stopped eating in college, other than to drink a cup of juice or a packet of fruits. I stopped eating and started starving myself to shut my constant thoughts and guilts.

I am slowly loosing control of myself, and yesterday this was what came into my mind, "it's scary to see that 70% of the girls suffers from body image problems" and I knew that I was them, I was what he was referring to all along; but I was ignorance, I thought it would okay to just sacrifice food and gain something instead. But all along, I was wrong.

I'm falling even more inlove w you,

2011-08-24T04:38:00.000-07:00

Oh happy day, happy day; You take my sin away :)
Today has been a pocket full of sunshine, with rain just enough to blossom these amazing flowers, God's good. I was glad that I bought my bible along with me, though it weighs almost halve of my books, but the word of God has never been a burden to carry upon; And I shall bring it along every single day of my life(: College has been quite a distraction, with boys and boys and more boys, but I thank God for his word, Proverbs4:24 Guard your heart for it is a wellspring of life; and I can sense that He is working in me, deep within, I can do it. Oh and I found this:-
"Like fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives. Just because something is good doesn't mean we should pursue it right now. We have to remember that the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" Page 76, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.

Very well said, don't you think so?

Broken Wings made New,

2011-08-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

God has been nothing but wonderful these days, no let me rephrase, he has been wonderful since that day when I was born. College has been a bitter sweet package of fun, friends, homeworks, mathematics and societies; I am starting to enjoy this phase of my life, and I am thankful of everything that I was granted with. I am currently studying in Methodist College Kuala Lumpur, wasn't much of what I wanted in the first place; But somehow I magically landed there, :) The people there are beautiful and nice, somehow it's like another SMK Taman SEA which was my previous high school, early morning prayers, afternoon prayer meetings, Christian Fellowship meetings every Fridays, same time! These made me miss high school to every bits of my forsaken heart. But it'll all be fine, and somehow I'll fit into this new life of mine *:)
Academically I am all stressed up for the upcoming Qualifiers, I am going nuts over Biology and Physics; Mathematics has been such a joy and Ms. Tan has been such a darling, she was like my previous Add Maths teacher, Pn. Ting. But quite succesfully, I managed to finish chapter 1 of Biology which had been such a huge dread, all those stuffs on nutrition drove me up against the wall. Oh well, who knew that this could be that boring.
But who knows- what amazing things God has instore for us, his children?

Loveyoutobits, :)